Problems with my mother

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Problems with my mother
6
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 1:35pm

My relationship with my mother has always been a hard one, but since I got pregnant it seems we were getting along much better, since she is really happy in becoming a grandmother. She has been saying some dumb things meanwhile, but nothing serious.

Last week I had a big discussion with her and I'm really hurt by what she said and the way she is. I always used to say that if my mother was not my mother she would be the type of person I don't relate to or like and I would never get along for several reasons, That couldn't be more true now.

I went to her home last week since my DH had to go travel for work and I wouldn't like to be alone. So we went out to have lunch together and I was driving. She wanted to go to a store first that she said she knows where it is, but then on our way she said she doesn't because she never went there and basically we were driving in circles. She become irritated and started to give me wrong directions, like shouting that I was going wrong on a one-way street when it wasn't a one-way street and I told her it's better for us just to go and have lunch and for her to shut up because I needed to concentrate on the driving in order to get us out of there. She was so irritated that she started to swear and shouted me "fu** you".

I was in shock by hearing she saying that to me and since I'm so sensible and emotional due to pregnancy hormones, I just started to cry and went back to her home. Eventually I went out on my own to eat something because she didn't want to go with me. When I came back home, she started to shout saying that it was me who got her mad so she said that and had the right to say that, trying to blame me. She even said that being 5 months pregnant I shouldn't be with hormonal problems anymore since she wasn't like that when she was pregnant. I told her that she doesn't have the right to say those things to me and I don't want to speak or argue with her anymore. I was just there waiting for my DH to come and get me. She didn't give a damn and continued to shout, despite the fact she saw me crying and nervous. She only stopped when I told her that if she doesn't respect me at least respect my pregnancy and shut up.

Then the next day she sent me an email saying sorry and I replied saying that she should be more careful with what she says because I don't want that language and behaviour next to my child when she's born! She just replied saying she had the right in saying "fu** you" to my face since it was me who got her mad...

I didn't reply anything else since this and I feel hurt and mad with her. On the 1st trimestre of my pregnancy I felt very vulnerable and emotional. Now I'm 5 months and although I don't feel that vulnerability anymore, I still feel emotional, sensible and have mood changes due to my hormones. So for her with 5 months I shouldn't be this way!?

I'm considering not seing her on the next months and even after the baby is born. I don't want this kind of behaviour near me or my family. I didn't swear to her and she has no right to speak to me like that, she looked like a teenager saying things without thinking and then trying to blame me for that? It's just that for her, if someone irritates her, she believes that gives her the right to be the worst person in the world!

Sorry for the long vent and thank you for reading, some advice would be appreciated. Thank you in advance!

Visit the Portugal Dream Coast: http://portugaldreamcoast.blogspot.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Mon, 05-16-2011 - 4:01am

You know she's abusive, she isn't trying to stop, and you're soon to have a new generation entering the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 6:19pm

Wowza. I'd rather be alone while my dh travels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 10:56am

Knowing "Zero" about your back ground is hard when trying to help someone during as bad time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 10:35am

I told her to shut up because she was shouting in the car giving me wrong directions which was driving me crazy and I needed to concentrate on the driving! You're right, I shouldn't have told her to shut up, I should have stopped the car and told her to get out!

This is not a simple discussion and a kiss and make-up situation. I suffered verbal and physical abuse from her since I was a child. She would called me names like "bitc*" when I was a kid, sent me objects to my face (several times I went to school with wounds), broke my things, phoned my friends badmouthing me, and tried to completely destroy my self-worth and esteem. She's a toxic person and I don't want her near my child or having her doing the same to my child.

For me this was breaking point and I'm happy to be free from her.

Visit the Portugal Dream Coast: http://portugaldreamcoast.blogspot.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 10:26am

As the Mom of three adult children,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 3:35pm

I think it is time you distance yourself from your Mother.

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