Pushing The Limit
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|Wed, 09-01-2010 - 6:31pm|
Well, here I am again and I'm going to use this posting as a vent. No advice needed but, thanks if anyone actually reads it.
So, I've found myself going down this path again. I'm talking to my dad at least because I'm still under his finianical support and car insurance. My mom doesn't exist to me at all, we don't talk and.. I'm not too happy about the idea of revisiting my parents' house in three days. My dad insisted on coming up to my apartment to switch cars to get mine inspected. He wouldn't even listen to what I had to say, and starting to make it as I wanted to argue with him. After that, I just continued to agree with him. Then he brought on the fact that I need to hurry up and pick a major, to get out of college faster. Lol.... I've been to four colleges (this being my fourth), trying to figure out what I want to do without them interupting what I want. Which they keep trying to decide for me.
I feel sick to my stomach, depressed and sitting holding back my tears. I know what they're like, I know why they act the way they do, I Know that they'll never change. ...then WHY am I still dealing with them by small threads??
My dad is very pushy and demanding. He's non-emotional (although tries to hide it at the same time?), oblivious, and lies all the time or tries to make it seem like he knows all/doesn't get anything wrong... oh and, passive. GOD I'm so sick of this. Yet, he's the only person I basicially talk to. I swear, he thinks I "use" him and he cant withhold anything I tell him or else it's 'too much' for him to handle. (And, if it were for my brothers, he'd give them everything under their noses).
I feel bad for him, still care about him in a way; however, I completely resent him, angry and hate him.... also fear him too. I'm afraid he'll end up trying to hurt me again one day when we're out somewhere for something (like this car ordeal). I'm scared he'll get mad at me and start yelling or try to punch me. Of course, *I'm* his only outlet for his own insecurities, anger and other personal issues to be released.