QOTW.... If there was one thing.........

Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
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Registered: 03-26-2003
QOTW.... If there was one thing.........
Sat, 05-03-2003 - 11:00am
that you would want your family to understand, know and accept about you what would it be? Would it be that you are a grown person now, that you hated what they did when you were younger, you don't like how they butt in on certain issues in your life? Or is it something like you want a different job, have a job they don't know about or some big secret you just want to get off your chest?

For me I suppose it would have to be that my parents look at me sometimes that I am stil the young girl who left her room a mess, made some crazy decisions, never fulfilled my obligations type person. Everytime I talk to them about certain things like maybe having another child they say..."That's all you need" I guess they seem to think that since my sister left her child with them that I would do the same. We have a 5year old DS and ever since he has been born my mom freaks when I ask her to watch him so me and DH can go out. She says " You had a child he is yours to raise" And I am like whoah I am not asking you to "raise" him only watch him so we can catch a movie and some dinner. I try not to take it to heart because I know this is a defense system they have built up since they seen one daughter give up her child. We are never close to them due to the military career but when we are on a visit they still don't really want to keep him. I blame my sister more for doing this than my parents. I about fell out my chair when they said that they wanted to pick DS up and bring him down for a couple weeks this summer. I keep my little sis for about a month for them every summer so they are trying:) I think the older DS gets the more they are starting to see that I am a different person than my sister and would never do anything like she did. There are still times though. So that is one thing I would want them to accept...I am not my sister.

So what about you what is something that you would like them to understand, know or accept about you? I hope you all have great weekend. I am off to the soccer game( snack mommy) and then on to some errands. I am sorry I haven't been here much this week I am fighting some bug and went to the doctor yesterday and sat for three hours, had blood drawn and will get the results Monday so hopefully I will know what is going on with me. I do not like being sick YUCK:) Until then have a good one see you all later~~~~~Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Sat, 05-03-2003 - 6:56pm
LOL, just ONE thing? ;) I would want my parents to just accept me the way I am. That I *am* responsible and honest. When I was younger (teenage years) I wasn't that honest and they STILL think I am like that! I am honest to a fault and am VERY responsible, even though I know they don't think so from the comments they make. That they need to understand I can handle my life and and am capable of handling things on my own.

I could add more things, but you asked for ONE thing, but I think that was more than one. :) LOL.. Hope you feel better soon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Sat, 05-03-2003 - 9:56pm
ONE thing? Oh that is too hard... I have to pick on two things.

In my former life, it was that my step-mother would just TRUST me and love me for who I am. She accused me (and still does) of being a liar, thief, whore, retarded, etc.... I grew up hearing these words every day, which I have to admit, caused me to believe that if she thought I was all those things, then I might as well be... at least there would be some truth in her words. My aunt and uncle were the first parental figures in my life to show me trust, love and encouragement - and just like that, I had no more reason to lie, or steal. (I never was a whore, or retarded - couldn't make myself do that.) I finally gave up trying to convince my step-mother of my morals and character - 30 years later - when my father died at Christmas last year. (Looooong story..)

So now that that's over and she's no longer a part of my current life (thank God), my newest ONE thing that I wish my family would accept is my dear, loving, smart, rock-steady, responsible, etc... Fiance. We're not legally married, but we might as well be. We've lived in the same house for over 4 years, been together for 7 years, everything we own or owe is joint, all our money goes into one pot, and he has turned my life around. (We're talking about marriage as soon as financially practical, but that's another story.) My brothers and sister don't accept him as a part of the family because it's not on paper.

Last June, my sister and I helped my father escape from his abusive wife of 36 years (yeah, that's the same one), then took the bull by the horns in saving what we could of his finances, real estate, etc. from further exploitation by his wife. There were so many issues to deal with! My father, 80 yo and an invalid, seriously depressed, did not want to make any decisions - instead, gave me power-of-attorney to do things for him, which I did. Much of this I discussed with my fiance, who advised me on what he thought would be the right thing to do for my Dad. My siblings did NOT want me telling my fiance about any of my Dad's affairs - nothing - and that I should make these decisions on my own, or after discussing with them, not my DF. What? Don't they discuss things with their spouses??? Isn't communication and mutual encouragement and support a basis for a good relationship?

So, yeah - I wish my family would accept my relationship with DF for what it is NOW, not demand that we be married before he is acknowledged. If they suck up later, after the wedding, I'd have to tell them to get lost and leave us alone. If he wasn't good enough before the wedding, then why suddenly does a little piece of paper make it alright? Grrrrrrrr!

Thanks for asking the question - good to get this off my chest.


Edited 5/4/2003 10:17:17 AM ET by msfit777


Avatar for heatherjohnst
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 12:59am
The one thing I would change is the way my mother sees me. Anytime I have a problem, and I vent to her she says "Welcome to the real world" every single time. This phrase has been driving me crazy for years. Now I realize that I'm not very old (Almost 25), but I've been an adult (Long before I "really" was an adult in my opinion) long enough to realize what the "real world" is like. She makes me feel like she sees me as this idiotic teenager who couldn't find her own butt with both hands! (Pardon the pun! HAHA)I suppose what bothers me the most is that I basically raised myself after my parents separated when I was 13. My parents were so busy with their own social lives, that I got left in the dust. I tried so hard to get noticed my them, but to no avail. So, I feel that the "Real World" caught up to me ages ago. I consider myself to be an intelligent woman,good wife and an always learning mother . So when I go to my own mother to vent about the things that bother me, her crude phrase about being welcomed to the real world is like a slap in the face.