QOTW...In your family who was...........

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
QOTW...In your family who was...........
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 8:17am
the care giver for you? Was it your mom, dad, sister, brother aunts, uncles, cousins or grandparents? How did this affect you? Did it make you a better person or a bitter one? Now in your adult life and if you have children who was the care giver to them? How has this made you who you are today?

Well for me when I was little the sole care giver for me was my mom and grandmother. My father was around but he was too busy doing his thing( drinking and carrying on). My mom worked and my grandmother lived with us so I always had a famiy member with me. I can not remember one time in my childhood that I went to a "sitters" house.My father was there, but he never really was the care giver. He never asked about our day or how things were going he just took for granted how we were. I think because of this it has made me a stronger more independant person. Yes my parents are still married and they only deperated once for a year, but this has made me realize that I can do make it. My mom is such a strong person she instilled in me that one person can do it and everything turn out fine. I am just thankful everyday that my father stopped drinking and started to realize what all happened when he was drinking. He has changed and I admire him for that. I sometimes wonder if I would be the same person if he was home all the time. So I try not to hold too much bitterness and be thankful for how much love was shown to me as a child. In our home now I am the day to day make sure all goes smooth person. Me and my DH both love and do things with our DS everyday. We try to let him know how much we both love him. It bothers my DH sometimes that he has to work such crazy hours and misses out on some things but he always tries to be there for the "firsts" like he was there this past Saturday for DS 1st soccer game.

So how about you? Who was your care giver and how has this made you who you are now? I hope you all have a great Thursday. It is actually supposed to be warming up here so I am going to try to open up some windows and air this place out a little. If my allergies don't stop I think I am going to float away in my watering eyes. Have a good one~~~Michelle

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Registered: 08-14-2002
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 11:03pm
Which one? I had several caregivers, and learned from all of them.

My mother, until I was 7 - from whom I learned independence, understanding, tolerance and compassion. My father, who gained custody of me from age 7 on, from whom I learned undying patience and the ability to turn the other cheek. My step-mother, who raised me from age 7 to 15, from whom I learned never to trust a liar and never to tolerate injustice. My grandmother, with whom I spent summers most of my life, taught me perhaps the most important lesson of all: a strong faith and love of God, as well as perseverance and a love for small town life. And my aunt and uncle, who took me in as a 15 yo runaway and cared for me until high school graduation, from whom I learned - finally - to trust, the value of honesty, and self-discipline.

In my adult life, I have been caregiver to my only child, now 17yrs - and of whom I am very proud. And recently, I have been caregiver to my ailing and elderly father, helping him to escape an abusive marriage of 36 years and along with my sister, made his last days on earth as comfortable, safe, and loving as possible. My parents are both gone now, but my DH's parents are just beginning their retirement years and will probably be in our care someday - and I look forward to these years; they are wonderful parents and very loving people.

I do harbor some bitterness toward my step-mother, and for many years toward my father for not protecting me from her abuse. However, I was able to forgive my father once I realized he really just did the best job he knew how to do as a father, and that's all we can ever expect from our parents, or that our children can expect from us. None of us will EVER be the perfect parent - we can only do the best we know how to do. I can live with that.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-10-2003 - 12:01pm
My grandmother on my mother's side took care of us. She taught me how to nuture & be humble. My mother was always high strung & had absolutely no patience for children. My GM died when I was 15. My father taught me patience, understanding, he was an incredible source of validation. I miss him terribly. My mother was of the old school. She felt everything was the women's job! That has been a burden to carry all my life. But it taught me to do things differently with my children. Which is a great positive change that hopefully I have passed on to my children. I had very little time for a childhood. Since I had to clean the house at the early age of 11/12.