QOTW....When celebrating a special......

Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
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Registered: 03-26-2003
QOTW....When celebrating a special......
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 8:33am
occasion ( ie birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, births etc...) do you send something to your extended family? Do they return the gesture to you and yours? Have you ever not sent somehting and they get mad? How did you handle it? How did they?

Well for me I always send something to my sisters and nephews. I also send something to my parents, but not DH parents or brother and sister. My family always returns the gesture toward me, Dh and DS. My DH family sends DS a card but that is it. They do for each other but DH only gets a phone call(if that). My BIL has called DH two times in the six years we have been married if that tells you anything. I also send to his kids, but BIL sends our DS nothing. SIL does for BIL's kids, but only sends DS a computer printed card. I guess that is enough but DS is getting old enough to tell the differences they make , I just hope this doesn't hurt him in anyway.

So how about you and yoru family do they exchange gifts or cards? I hope you all have a GREAT Saturday I am off to eat my breakfast, then head to soccer game, then to pick up a cake, then to skating party, then to start Easter dinner and finally make sure the Easter bunny has a wheelbarrow ready for one ACTIVE 5 year old. Spheww I am already tired. Have a good one ~~~~Michelle

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Registered: 08-14-2002
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 4:16am
I never really thought about it. I send cards at Christmas, making sure to include anyone who sent US a card the previous year, but that's about it. Everything else is from the heart, with no return action expected - I don't even look for thank-you cards. My fiance and I buy gifts for our families (sisters, brothers, their kids, his parents , etc.) at Christmas only. We do well to remember to buy a card and order up a cake for his parents' anniversary, then invite the family to join us. They all get phone calls for their birthdays, most of the time - but there are so MANY that we miss a few every year. If anyone gets upset that they were forgotten, oh well...

I guess a key factor here is that, although we are faaaaar from well-to-do, most of my fiance's relatives are barely keeping their heads above water. Most years, all they can do is a few gifts for their own kids - other family is simply out of the question for them. We let them know NO gifts are expected for us, and we buy stuff for them and their kids, then have them all over for a big Christmas dinner.

My own relatives, most of them, are doing better than we are and could well afford to buy gifts for everyone, but what's the point? We spend time together when we can (we all live hundreds of miles apart) and THAT is the most cherished gift of all. Mostly, when we DO get together for the holidays, we draw names for a single gift each. Even then, it's usually something hand-made or obviously very carefully shopped for - truly a gift meant only for the person who receives it.

We're very easy-going and believe a gift is exactly that: a GIFT. There should be no gift expected in return. I consider that to be selfish and rude.



Avatar for lucy4980
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 4:02pm
My family isn't big on sending presents, so this has never been a big deal.

For Christmas I make sure I have presents for each family member that we will be spending the holiday with. I also give gifts to my parents and my in-laws, whether we are spending the actual day with them or not. Usually I send my grandparents presents. I always make sure to have presents for the kids in our family - nieces and nephews. I generally send out Christmas cards to everybody to let them know we are thinking about them.

For birthdays - I always give presents to the kids. For adults, we usually just all go out to dinner if we live close. Sometimes I will get a gift.

Births - I give a gift if I go to a baby shower.

Anniversaries - we don't celebrate other people's anniversaries.

Cards - we aren't big card senders either. Other than Christmas cards, I rarely send them. I might send an ecard once in awhile, but that's it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Sun, 04-27-2003 - 11:54pm
My parents send cards for my birthday all the time. Sometimes they send us a wedding anniversary card and other times not. Sometimes they have sent DH a birthday card and sometimes not. We always get a card for Easter and Christmas.

My other relatives, such as Aunts...one Aunt ALWAYS sends cards for ALL occasions, I have another Aunt who it seems that she has stopped sending cards to me, and another Aunt who only sends cards if I send her one.

Sometimes I get upset if I don't get a card back from them if I send them one. My family is big on cards, so that usually isn't a concern, but sometimes it is.

Lots of times I get upset because cards are the main way we communicate throughout the year. No one really speaks to each other except on Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. So when cards aren't exchanged, it breaks down the communication even more. As far as getting together with people more, that isn't going to work. My mother has already told me that my Aunts only want to be bothered when THEY want to be bothered. I know when I called my one Aunt to tell tell her that DH and I got engaged, she wanted to know if I was calling because it was something important or if it was a social call. I was trying to be polite in talking with her about her instead of just calling to say "by the way, we are getting married...gotta go, bye." But she obviously didn't want to chat for a few minutes. It literally was a 5 minute phone call.

Ok...sorry for the ramble...I think I answered the questions! ;)

Avatar for tinderdoc
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 1:12pm
These posts bring up a question I've had for awhile now. My family never made a big deal about anniversaries (the one exception: my grandparents' 50th, but that's understandable). We had our 1-yr anniv last Dec. and received anniv cards from MIL/FIL, GMIL/GFIL, mom/dad, and I think a few other people as well. I was really surprised by that. Am I out of the loop? Is it typical to give other couples happy anniversary cards? When I was growing up, my grandparents never gave my parents anniv cards. My parents didn't send my grandparents anniv cards. Mom & Dad didn't even exchange cards between themselves for that matter. Just wondering.

Since we've become our own little family now, I'm trying to start a christmas card mail-out to friends and family each year. Those are actually the only cards I ever mail to anyone. Because of our budget, we usually buy one christmas gift per couple (something they would both enjoy), and get each kid their own christmas present. With a very few exceptions, we usually only buy gifts for people we will be seeing during the holiday. For birthdays, I give a card and gift to the b-day person. I don't know if I've made anyone mad by doing it this way thus far.
Avatar for lucy4980
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 1:27pm
In my family we've never made a big deal out of other people's anniversaries either. I always thought of it as something that the individual couple celebrates and that's it. We did have a big party for my grandparents' 50th, but other than that, it's pretty much left to the couples themselves.

I'm a lot like you - I send out Christmas cards and give gifts to people I will be seeing during the holidays. There are a couple family members that I will send gifts too, but only a couple.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Mon, 04-28-2003 - 7:53pm
Well, my family just likes sending cards, so I am used to sending cards for my parents anniversary. My parents sometimes send an anniversary card for us, and my other relatives send us cards for our anniversary. I guess everyone is different.

As far as the holidays go, I think as along as the thought is there, that is what counts. You do your best to get a joint gift for the couple and I think that is nice.

Avatar for goldie15
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Registered: 04-05-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 1:49pm
I send cards for every occasion, and gifts to the little relatives......great neice, nephew so on.

In all the years my Dh and I have been together, We have never recieved a card or gift from any of his family. Not even a wedding gift for us. Ditto for our kids and our grandkids. I send my family (a brother) a card for every and any reason! so far he has sent me one card in my entire life, but he does always remember my grandkids and kids.

It used to bother me but now I just accept that his family are the ones losing out on a lot of memories not me!