A rather serious problem with my (possibly) step-dad to be

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2004
A rather serious problem with my (possibly) step-dad to be
10
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 4:44am

Morning all.

I can solve all of life's problems by asking myself a simple question:  What would Stone Cold Steve Austin do in this particular situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

Honestly,

If it were me, I would keep my distance and make it a point to avoid Stewart.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2011

Hi I am sure from the way you are posting you must be from England or at least Europe. Not sure. But here in the USA many states have a law called Megan's Law. It is a law specifically about Sex Offenders. Where they can live, what can happen if they come into contact with

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Where are you from? Just wondering.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Have you posted on other ivillage boards before?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

God gave us gut feelings for a reason.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
I see alot of inuendo, gossip, and anger over little things.

Much care and thought should be put into an accusation of child molester.

He knows you truly hate him, and I'm sure that's why he sent his regards with your mother for not attending events. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I'm saying to keep your eyes open, but these accusations are over the top, without any evidence. People's lives have been ruined by gossip and unwarranted fears like these.

 

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

Your child's safety and well-being are the most important thing so you need to put that first. Whether its someone who plays too rough with her, or is overly critical, or might be touching her inappropriately, it is your responsibility to protect her. Your mother is an adult and can take care of herself whereas your little daughter cannot protect herself. When Stewart wants to take your child away from the group, can't you just refuse him on the basis that you are not comfortable with it, period? That said, in the past why didn't you refuse to let him take her, especially the time when she was screaming? She was 5 months old, right?

I'm not sure why you are upset that Stewart doesn't come to family get-togethers, since you don't like him and don't want him around your family it seems like a GOOD thing that he often declines. He probably knows that you don't like him and is uncomfortable in your presence, and attends sometimes only to make your mother happy. Is it possible that he tries to go off with the children because they don't yet judge him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

I disagree, Cat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004

I am going to answer this from several places though one answer I really need to know how old your daughter is before proceeding as that changes the answer a bit. I am an incest survivor and the reply would come from that place

Read the books by Gavin De Becker "The Gift of Fear" and "Protecting the Gift"

Also even infants pick up on the 'vibes' , feelings and emotions in their surroundings. Anytime you were/are around this man your child picked up on your emotions and body language. So she will react appropriately as she has read the signals of this being a bad person/situation. And if he *has* done something inappropriate then her feelings will ramp up and of course she will scream and cry. If I read the other post correctly she is an infant still? This is her way of telling you she needs her parents. Until she is older she doesn't have another way to convey this to you.

I agree with both sides-if you are NOT the only one feeling red flags there may be something to it. At the same time be careful and be absolutely certain before making public accusations and filing the police report. As I said abuse victim here and I don't want to see what happened to a man where I live. His dd accused him of sexual abuse to get out of the house. She told the original responder, the police, the judge and counselor "I was tired of living at home having to follow my parents rules. I knew this way I could get out because someone would come help me move out. I don't give a d*** what it did or does to my parents -they should have known better than to try and make me follow 'house rules' anymore I am almost 16 for 88888;s sake" This man lost his house, his wife, his job and no one wants to hire him even though he was found not guilty, the daughter who is an adult now and sometimes gives interviews thinks "it is hilarious. and kids if you don't want to clean the house this is how you get out of it" So make sure you have stuff to take to the pd if you can, and if he is in fact molesting these kids do it sooner rather than later. Make sure you are looking clearly without your dislike clouding the glass so help can be gotten and you not dismissed because of your dislike.

It isn't surprising that your mother gives you his reasons for not being at events. 1)he already knows you and your family so why would he talk direct to you? 2)It is quite the norm for second, third spouses to not be the ones to talk to the stepfamily-at least at first (and in some cases not at all if he or she is unliked and not welcome) as it is their spouses family so spouse does the talking for them 3)sometimes it is a decision that a couple makes that one of them is the 'social director' so to speak and deals with rsvps etc

Did your cousin file any reports or get her kids in any counseling for potential abuse from this man?

anon for this one
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2004

Thankyou to everyone for your responses so far, some excellent points on both sides.

I can solve all of life's problems by asking myself a simple question:  What would Stone Cold Steve Austin do in this particular situation?