Re: Hurt from friends and family

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2011
Re: Hurt from friends and family
14
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 5:22pm

Hi. New to this board. Reading over some of the vents and I can very much relate.

I am going through a stage where I have never felt lonelier in my life. I cry all the time. It's not that I am depressed, necessarily. I have always cried in my life through happy and sad.

I have two wonderful girls, ages 16 and 11. The kind of life that I have now breaks my heart. Their father, whom I am separated from (for about seven years physically) and am now in the process of divorcing, has stopped giving me the child support that we verbally agreed upon. He decided to only send me $300 a month for the last three months and he didn't even send me the payment this month. I am a full-time student and am rushing frantically to get a job.

My sisters and I have been very explosive to each other lately. They are both younger than me. I feel that I have always been very supportive of them, verbally and emotionally. I always compliment them and try to lift them up. One of my sisters has been diagnosed with bipolar about seven years ago. I helped through the ups and downs and took care of her now six-month old twin babies when she needed it. I love her children to pieces.

The problem is that I feel that if I disappeared off the face of the earth today, it would hardly matter. I feel like my heart has been crushed. Friends are really non-existent these days. The friends I managed to make once I came back to New York (we lived in another state for two years) about six years ago have been very fleeting and mostly one-sided. My eleven year old daughter does not have phone calls hounding her. I have always been the one to arrange playdates for her (up to the age of nine years old) and other moms have rarely, if ever, reciprocated. She can spend a weekend at home, and not one friend will call. Also, a person that I thought I made friends with (me with her and my eleven year old daughter and her daughter) and helped out a lot, made plans with me and my daughter and hers this week. She didn't call after I called once and left a message, reminding her about the plans. The day of the plans came and went and about five days have gone by, and I still don't know what happened. Since she has been flaky with me before, I do not plan to get in touch with her.

I am a lovely, caring person. My ex husband treated me badly, did not show me affection or love, even physically, save for a handful of times and to create these children, and now lavishes love on the new woman in his life. I want friends so much, but they end up hurting and pretty much abadoning whatever fledgling friendships I create. I have been told over and over, how lovely I am, how kind I am, how much fun I am. I can't figure out what I am doing wrong. My daughter and I just came back from the hospital (we thought she had an appendicitis scare) after spending the whole day there, and although I can't fault my sisters for not calling, since I didn't inform them of this, it stills hurts when you come home with your eleven year old and no one is calling to wish her well. Again, no one really knows, but there is a general feeling of this.

I have so much love in me, and I am very heartbroken right now. I am a person who loves life and people and culture, but have been hurt so many times. How can I change this and why might this be happening? The one good thing about this is that my poetry writing is in full flux now. But again, why and how?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 4:19am

I think relationships are different now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 7:47am

Thanks so much for your response. The thing is, I have no problem making friends. Lots of them. I just wish they would reciprocate and help keep up the friendships. Eventually, it just fizzles out. And why can't I create it for my eleven year old and me?

I know about meetup.com. I actually plan to go to one of them when I start work. I will need extra pocket money for meetups with other single parents with kids.

Thanks for your advice. Any thoughts from readers would be great.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 8:50am

Hi,

If he's the father of your children he has to pay child support. Get an attorney to properly advise you, and if necessary, take him to court and make it plain he has to keep supporting your children. Letting him get away with this is tantamount to child abuse. Don't lay down and take it. FIGHT.

Contact your local friend of the court at your county seat. They'll tell you how to proceed. You need to stand up for yourself with both your EX and your sisters.

I suggest you find the local community mental health clinic or your local helpline in your community and call. Get some time with a counselor who can help you see you are worthy of love and friendship and respect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 12:39pm
  • I want to comment on the child support issue, also.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2011
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 12:43pm

Boy, that response was a little harsh. I think and know

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2011
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 12:51pm

Of course I am going to court to fight this. Where did you get the impression I wouldn't? What does this have to do with my post? I am asking about friendships and past relationship with hubby, not child support advice. I am very aware of what to do to stake a claim in my children's financial welfare.

I came to this board to look for a place to vent and maybe a helping hand with friendships and such. If you have anything in response to that, it would be nice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2011
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 12:52pm

Also, I am not on welfare. My parents have helped me out thus far. You guys are a biting bunch. Maybe I need to look for another board, because clearly there isn't any compassion on this one. Jumping to conclusions much?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 4:41pm
Please don't go! There are varying opinions here and I believe at times some cross the line. You can report if you feel they're being abusive and insulting. I'm sorry you didn't get the response you need to help you sort through your situation. I'm going to review your post and respond.

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 4:49pm
I know you're lonely but at times we go through changes and all seems lost BUT in reality it's the perfect time to review our lives to makes the necessary changes to move forward. In the meantime I suggest getting out with your kids doing things that are free. Spring is here and going to the park is always a great idea...picnic lunch meeting new friends.

I suggest you seek counseling to sort through the changes in your life. I don't mean you have mental health issues but sometimes we need a counselor to talk to. I believe you can get free counseling depending on your income. Take advantage of this before you get a job and have less available time.

Lastly don't beat yourself up over what is happening to you. Life is crazy and lonely at times. Hold your head up and fight the good battle to get what you and your children deserve!!

Good luck.

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 8:15am

Hi gentle and welcome to the board!

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