Re: Telling Parents about BF

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Re: Telling Parents about BF
4
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 12:24am
Hello! I have read the responses some of you all put up. Thanks for the info. I guess I should have put my age up there, but I feel really young compared to a lot of you. I am 16, 17 in a couple of months.

Please don't judge me yet or my partner. Remeber he is five years older, and I want to tell my parents.

For me, I am very mature. I have the maturity level of about the ages of 18-21. That does make a difference because I am not naive or stupid. My partner is of the age to buy me alchohol and such, but I don't like to drink or have it him buy it. He knows this and I know this. He is not using me at all. Beleive me, we have been togeather for almost five months, you think if he was he would have left.

I need to tell my parents. His family likes me and trust me. I hope mine can too, but I don't really know. I even thought for a second I was too young to join IVillage, but I need imput from women because I don't really have anyone to go to in my life to give me guidence. I hope you don't think less of me.

I have been in relationships where I have been hurt, physicaly/emotionaly. I would know if he was using me by now. He is not, trust me. Help me, please. Thank you for who reads this. Even if you want to comment let me know

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 10:58am
I don't think the 16 and 21 age differece is that bad. Now 12 and 17 I'd have a real problem with shoot 13 and 16 I'd have a big problem with. I agree at 16 alot of girls do have the maturity level of 21 year old boys. It really depends on the people.

At your age I think you should tell your parents they have the right to know and monitor the relationship rather this boy is 16 or 21 age doesn't matter there until you are 18. I know you think you are mature enough to handle your own affairs and maybe you are but it's the parents responsibilty to keep you safe physically and emotionlly the best they know how.

If you know they are gone to be that against it and your say on the subject will get lost once they hear his age you might want to write them a letter explaining how you think you are mature enough to handle this relationship and why they should give it a chance.Don't know your parents but mine always made sure they checked the guy out good and wasn't allowed unsupervised visits until they were comfortable with him.I hated that but as long as I considered there feelings they considered mine and they would usually decided with the first few times they would meet with them. You might want to consider asking them not to make a finally decision until after they get to know him a little bit. That should go a long ways and if the boy is worth it he will put up with it.If not then he probably had other intentions anyways and you saved yourself some trouble.

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 11:35am
I do think you should tell your parents. You want to tell them, and the longer you keep this a secret the more it will weigh on you. Please sit them down and tell them.

You say you have been abused before and that gives me cause for concern. Unlike the other person who posted here, I think 16 and 21 is a big difference. You are still in high school, while he is a man out in the world. I have to wonder why someone who is 21 wants to date a 16-year-old. I am sure you are a wonderful girl, but you are still a girl. He has a certain amount of power and control over you since he is an adult and you are a minor. I know it is hard to think clearly when you are in love, but think about the long-term consequences of this. If I were your mom, I'd advise you to cool it until you are 18. By secretly dating him (and I think this is part of the thrill of the whole relationship), you are excluding boys your own age or even a couple of years older than you.

You say he can buy alcohol, even though you don't want any, but right there is a difference in the two of you. He is interested in doing adult activities. I bet he wants to go to bars, too. You are only 16, and even though you are almost 17, the activities he wants to do don't involve your peers.

What do your friends say? I think you might want to lean on some of them and ask them for help. My instinct is to tell you this relationship is a bad idea.

Take care, dear.

Tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 1:11pm
Something else I want to point out: if you are having sex with him, in some states he could be arrested for statutory rape! I don't know what the laws of your state are, but you might want to check them. I have seen men prosecuted for this, even if the girl says the sex was consensual.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Fri, 06-20-2003 - 6:54pm
i am 18 and have been SEEING a 25 year old for a year and a half. ther eason i emphasized SEEING was simply to demonstrate that, being 16 when i met him, i told him right off the bat, if he was interested in being more than friends, he's going to have to wait until i'm eighteen. He stuck around, and im not suprised. We hung out as friends for the year before I turned 18. My parents knew from the start he was 8 years older, but gave him chance. My mother told me she'd rather have me with someone 25 or so, than some 18 year old who drives bad and/or drink, smokes. she's making an awful generalization, i know, but i agreed with her! they met him numerous times, and were kinder than i expected. My parents aren't exactly the type to be so supportive, so i have to admit, i was suprised by thier reaction. So heres my advice, if you try the whole "friends" bit until your turn of legal age, and he sticks around, you have something good on your hands. However, if he doesn't stick around, don't have any regrets, it wouldn't have worked out. Good Luck