Room mate's GF practically living at our house!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Room mate's GF practically living at our house!!!!!
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 2:19pm


So my bf and I live with his best friend in a cozy 2 bedroom condo. Our rent is $1750 a month, split 3 ways. However my bf and I pool our money so we technically pay $1100 each month in rent. Whoever's pay check falls when rent is due. Our room mate covers the rest. Well he has just started seeing this girl now for about a month. Literally since the beginning she has been sleeping over at our place EVERY single night. If it isn't every night it is at least 5 nights a week. Shes leaving shoes at our place, cooking in our kitchen at least 3 nights a week, keeping stuff in our fridge. I am 8 weeks pregnant and hate when she cooks because shes a health nut when it comes to food so everything she cooks is really funky, loaded with garlic and always turns my stomach. It's ironic though because she smokes, and she will go on our patio, while the windows are open, have a smoke and it all comes back in!! We have a small condo and the place has occassionally stunk like cigarettes which infuriates me since I am pregnant!  The whole situation infuriates me. I am close to asking her if shes suddently become homeless or something. My bf and I don't care for her, clearly.  Not to mention she downs at least a bottle of wine a night!! She sleeps at our place as much as I do, and I pay to live here,so does my bf, so does our room mate. She doesn't!!! She always just sits in our room mates room too. Never comes out to socialize unless shes in the kitchen cooking, because our living room and kitchen are one big room. She says hi, asks how we are, but thats the extent of it. Rent is due now and my bf is not sending our room mate our portion until our room mate says something, then my bf planes to ask if we are splitting rent right down the middle now since theres now 4 people living here. Are we right to ask for her to pay too? If she were only sleeping over a few nights a  week that would be different. But its literally every single night.

Our room mate works 9-5 mon-fri. She is a bartender so obviosuly doesn't. When they leave in the morning, she drives him to work and I guess goes back to her place for the day, then she picks him up from work and they come here. They don't go to her place because they are co-workers and she lives with other ppl they both work with, and the company they work for has sponsered her to be here on a visa.Shes from australia. So if the company finds out they are seeing each other they could revoke her visa. Personally I wouldn't care if that were to happen, she'd be out of my hair at least. This place just isn't big enough for 4 people. And definitely not big enough for one of them to stay for free. Not to mention, shes kind of a bitch. I leave at the same time every morning as they do and does she even ask if I would like a ride into town? My room mate and I only work 5 min away from each other.We live in a village. Not that I expect her to ask and that I would even accept a ride from her, she probably smokes in the car, but still, to me thats basic manners. Do we say something about her paying or not?

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

This is a pretty common roommate scenario. You or your bf definitely should talk to your roommate about it, at a time when she is not there. I suggest that only one of you talk to him so he doesn't feel like you're ganging up on him. The longer you put it off the more resentment builds up.

All of the issues need to be on the table (well, not that you think she's a B--ch LOL). If you just say that she should pay rent then it implies that you are okay with her living there, and clearly that is not acceptable to you. Try to come to an agreement about how many nights per week would be acceptable to you/bf. Things like smoking outside an open window is basic courtesy and roommate should tell her to stop that, go someplace where the smoke won't come in the unit. The cooking smells issue is probably due to your pregnancy and might stop being a problem in a few weeks or months; in the meantime roommate should ask her to refrain from using garlic or frying when you are there--if it was your roommate doing the cooking, what would you say to him? Stuff like her not offering you a ride is IMO kind of petty and not worth mentioning, it probably bugs you because you don't like her but she's probably not more friendly because she can feel the dislike. 

Are you and your bf planning to get your own place before your baby arrives? You might want to think about doing it sooner because things could go south with your roommate. Or he and she may decide to get their own place together. He does have the right to have friends over without a lot of restrictions put on them; and it sounds like she is mostly there in the overnight hours and weekend days? I understand how its annoying to have her around so much when you didn't sign up to live with HER...hopefully you can all come to an agreement soon. And congrats on the pregnancy!