Roommate from hell -- how do I deal??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
Roommate from hell -- how do I deal??
10
Thu, 07-17-2003 - 4:19pm
Ok, so got a bit of a problem here.

I have lived with the same girl for two years now as roommates. Well this year she bought a townhouse and asked if I wanted to move with her. --help each other out. I have a place to stay and she has someone to help with rent. Well we have only been there for about a month and every night her boyfriend has spent over too. At first it wasn't a problem, but when it became every night, I was a bit worried. Here I am paying rent and he isn't but yet, run of the house?? She doesn't seem to understand this at all and there is constant discussion about me behind my back. She was fairly independent before she met this guy and now it is only him in her life. I haven't signed the lease yet, but I live there. I need some advice that will work for a hard-headed person.

Thanks,

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Thu, 07-17-2003 - 4:40pm
You didn't mention if you want to continue living there...

It sounds like she feels like she is queen of the castle because she finally "owns" something. The boyfriend usually has priority over any friends, especially roommates, so I do not see that their behaviour will change. If you do not like him, then move out, because she will pick him over you.

I think you can either accept it or move on. If you accept the situation lay down some ground rules, but do this quickly so the situation doesn't get worse. Some suggestions:

1. Have the boyfriend pay a third of the utilities.

2. The boyfriend should have a least one chore (take out garbage every night he is there).

3. You and the couple should split times if necessary for kitchen use, TV use, bathroom use, so both of you can get some alone time.

Your roommate might be very angry with you if you suggest these things, so remind her in the beginning how much you like her, the place, and how you are happy for her that she has a new boyfriend. Also tell her that if she does not like the rules, than she can suggest other things so that he is pulling equal weight.

My roommate does not like me having a boyfriend, even though her boyfriend is over more often. She doesn't really know how selfish she is at times.

Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-17-2003 - 9:16pm
You haven't been there long enough, and I sensed there's problem brewing. I don't think you should sign anything, until you put it in writing what YOU EXPECT THEM / HER TO do. I doubt that will make you happy, because there's gonna be NEW PROBLEMS the longer you stay.

It's like being married. You're in love one minute, and fighting the next.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 8:29am
personally I think if she OWNS the townhouse then she is free to let her boyfriend live there with or without paying or doing anything. Of course if she lets him live off her like that it's a very bad choice on her part, obviously. But I don't think there is anything u can do, or should be able to do, because it's her life and she owns the place now, it would be a WHOLE different story to me if the 2 of u were renting a townhouse and the bf was staying over every night and all that. I hate to say that because I know it must be hard being in your shoes right now but that is my point of view, I would probably try to find other living arrangements ASAP. Looking at it from HER point of view, I mean, it makes sense, she bought a townhouse, she wants her bf to live there, so why shouldn't he? Altho I think it is CRAZY of her not to make him pay and share all the expenses if he lives there. Maybe once u leave (if u leave) she will realize that more :-) Also I am confused because I don't know a lot about leases and rent and house payments etc so maybe I misunderstood the whole thing, but I was thinking if your friend is BUYING this townhouse then she has a mortgage which would be in just her name, and there would be no lease for u to sign and no "rent" exactly, at least not in the usual sense of the word "rent". Maybe I am confused!? Or do u mean she went and had someone draw a lease just for u to sign as her renter? Sorry if I got it all mixed up! Good luck to u! Rhiannon


Edited 7/19/2003 8:32:48 AM ET by redrumrhiannon
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 6:56pm
Robin, I'm not sure what to tell you. Is her boyfriend bothering you in some way? She has a right to have a man in her life. It seems you resent this. But what exactly is he doing that is interfering with your rights to live there?

She may become completely co-dependent on this man - but its still *her life* and she is running it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 12:21pm
sounds to me like you are jelouse. (in one way or another)

Now, WHO is the person you call 'Roommate from hell' ? her boyfriend? herself? you?

-hard words you are using.

regards,

Stella.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 12:35pm
I totally agree. In what way does someone become a "roommate from hell", simply because she begins having a relationship with a man? I hate it when women feel "betrayed" by a girlfriend just because she starts dating someone. I am happy for my friends when they get a new man in their life. Of course, it means they are going to be spending less time with me and their other friends, but that doesn't make it some kind of betrayal or stab in the back. I think a lot of it is jealousy.


A real friend is supportive of her friend's relationships with others.

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 4:58pm
It's her house. She is the landlord. You are the tennent. Things are a lot different now that she owns the house you are living in. She can have any guests in her house as often or for as long as she wants. The only thing you need to worry about is paying your rent and any other agreed upon expenses and doing the housework that you have agreed to do.
Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 5:01pm
I don't think the OP is really in the position to lay down any ground rules - no matter how close she and the roommate are, she is now a tennent. Of course the roommate feels like she is the Queen Bee - she IS the Queen Bee because it's her house.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 6:18pm
I still disagree with the replys to a certain extent. From the original post I got the impression that the renter was being forced to live 100% in her room, with no privilages outside of the bedroom. The renter is paying to live there, she is not staying there as a guest. If the roommate who owns the house wants 100% reign, then she needs to live alone. Everyone living under the house deserves opportunity to be able to do basic things like cooking, laundry, and showering. With an added person, this becomes much more difficult, and a schedule would benefit all of them.

*I did give her the advice to move out if she doesn't like him, because he will be there as long as the homeowner wants him to be there*

Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 7:48pm
Here is what I would do............

Sit down and talk to her about the situation. Let her know how you are feeling and get her response. If you feel this is going to be a continueing issue I think I would be telling her that the past two years was great but it is now time to move on. I think you both have your rights when you are roommates, but it is her home and you are the renter. But as a renter you also have some rights. You have the right to talk about the situation and get some straight answers and you also have the right to move whenever you feel you need to. Please don't take the last comment wrong. I really think you all should talk and if the issue can notbe resolved to both your likings I would start looking for another place to rent and I think next time I would make it clear on the rules and both sign a contract stating the rules so the line between friendship and renter will not be blurred like it has been in this case.

Hope this helped..........Michelle