Roommate's b/f stays over (almost) every night

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Roommate's b/f stays over (almost) every night
Thu, 09-06-2012 - 10:24am

Hi - I'm looking for advice/opinion on my situation. 

I moved in with my current roommate > 2 yrs ago. I didn't know her before, and found her on Kijiji. The lease is in my name only, as I wanted our apartment badly, and didn't have a roommate lined up when it went up for rent. At the time we moved in, she was just starting to date her boyfriend. 

Since then, and this is pretty recent, her boyfriend has been staying overnights. Probably about 5 or 6 nights out of 7. This has started to bother me for a number of reasons. A) It didn't used to be so; in fact she used to write in when he would stay over in our shared calendar, and that number of days used to be limited to 2. B) He's not a very tidy person, and I've begun to see signs of his untidiness at our place (e.g. urine around the toilet seat; bathroom carpets in disarray after he's left the bathroom; etc.) C) My roommate's schedule changes when he stays over, so - when I don't know if he's over - I have no idea what time she's getting up. Before, it used to be I get up at 6:15, shower and she would get up at 6:30, shower. Then I would go back into the bathroom to brush my teeth, blow dry my hair etc. Now, she doesn't get up until after 7 (at least on days when the b/f is around). 

Now, I noticed these changes mostly in the summer months, and didn't mind so much, as I was out of town quite a bit. But now, it's back to "nose to the grindstone". I'm working full-time and also doing a Master's degree part-time. The roomie's b/f, on the other hand, is unemployed, having just finished his 4th degree (2 undergrad, and 2 Master's) in June. This kind of explains why he's been coming over after I've gone to bed. 

So, the issues I have is A) he's not tidy; not that I see him a lot, but it's the small things like the ones mentioned above. B) He "sneaks in" at night, and I don't even know when he's around. The only reason I know he's there, is that his shoes are by the door when I go to leave the house. That means, if I were to go out in my bra and underwear, which I used to do/feel I should do, given that I live with a female roommate, and he's suddenly appearing out of nowhere, this would cause a lot of inconvenience for me. I also just want to be able to lounge around in my housecoat and undies from time to time, and don't want this to be witnessed by a dude necessarily. Finally, I also have a boyfriend, and I don't feel comfortable having him spend a lot of time at my place, out of respect for the roommate. He never spends the night, for various reasons, the chief being that he has to wear a suit to work, and it's just not feasible to have 3 people getting ready for work at the same time (the roommate's boyfriend doesn't really use our least to the best of my knowledge; I can't really know the things that happen after I leave for work). 

So... I have not issue talking to the roommate, and have done so in the past about things that bother(ed) me. I'm just wondering if I have a valid case here. Maybe I just need to move out? I don't really want to go through the trouble of moving out as it's not a good time in my life (school/work=busy). 

Any opinions/advice helps. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

I would definitely tell roommate how you feel.  It's disgusting to find his pee splashed around the toilet and no, you shouldn't have to worry about going to the kitchen for a cold drink in your undies and fearing giving her boyfriend an eye full.

Anybody who spends that much time at an apartment needs at the very least to be paying his fair share of the rent and be a part of a roommate agreement which covers things like cleaning up after himself.  (Not that you WANT him even as a rent-paying roommate!) 

I think you definitely should talk this situation out and if it doesn't change, somebody needs to move on!