Rude or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Rude or not?
4
Sun, 05-11-2003 - 9:03am
First off Happy Mothers Day to all the moms out there. Second this is about my MIL. We (DH and I) invited his mom to late lunch/early dinner today. We extended the invitation two weeks ago. She decided on a restaurant that we had taken her to before. Not a problem. DH went out an hour ago and got money from the ATM so we can pay. Well MIL tells us that she is bringing a friend along and we will be paying for her as well just before we go out.

Now i know this lady and she is nice. I can sort of understand MIL inviting her along since she is well into her 80s, lives alone and her kids moved to the US so she has very little family here. What gets me is that MIL invites her and expects us to pay for her. MIL knows very well that we arent doing very well financially since we had to buy a new car, DH is taking a rather large pay cut etc. DH and I feel that she should of said something sooner since it was 2 weeks since we issued the invite and she mentions it now.

Am i right to be a bit miffed? Thanks

Avatar for heatherjohnst
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 05-11-2003 - 10:30am
I think it was very rude of MIL to expect you to foot her friends bill also. If it were me , I would have Dh mention it to his mother that although you don't mind her friend joining you ,(If this is the case) that financially you are not well off at the time, so she (MIL) needs to pay her friends portion of the bill. I'd have MIL "reimburse" you her friends portion in private though, so her friend doesn't feel uncomfortable . I mention that your DH should tell her because it is his mother after all. Did she actually tell you that you were expected to pay for her friend also? I would deffinatly work things out in private BEFORE DINNER. There is such a thing as family taking advantage of your generosity too.And that's what it sounds like MIL is doing. Good luck.

Heather

Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 05-11-2003 - 12:06pm
I was going to to post a reply but then I read Heather's and that is exactly what I was going to say. Great minds think alike.

Rememver to just be honest with her. You wanted to take to lunch and you don't mind that friend but you are unable to pay for the extra meal because of your tight budget. Most of the time honesty works. And even if the other party gets mad, it is still just the truth and nothing that you can do about it.

I hope the late lunch goes well.

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 05-11-2003 - 12:35pm
Thanks to both of you. We discussed it with MIL before her friend arrived and she said she would reimburse us.

It took us an hour to get to the restaurant. It is only a 10min walk at most on a good day and so far this day is anything but. We walk because there is no parking near the restaurant. The problem is MILs friend. Like i said she is a nice lady in her 80s, who also happens to have BAD HIPS! So at a turtles pace we creep to the restaurant. Well there isnt anything on the menu that she can eat. Mind you MIL has been to this restaurant with us before so she could have talked to this lady about it and told her what they have. Well i spent the whole meal feeling guilty because she wouldnt order a thing and wouldnt let us go anywhere else! "No No you go ahead". Well MIL ordered and so we did too. I wish we hadnt. When i remembered 5 min before we left she had hip problems i asked MIL if we should take her car (ours isnt here yet its on order)drop them off at the restaurant and meet them but NO they wouldnt do that. NEVER AGAIN! Next year ill cook for MIL at home and if she wants to invite an army fine by me.

Avatar for heatherjohnst
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 05-11-2003 - 3:50pm
HAPPY MOTHER-IN-LAW DAY!!! ;)

Atleast it only happens once a year. And you handled it flawlessly! Well, almost.HAHA!