Sabotaging, controlling, psycho mother!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
Sabotaging, controlling, psycho mother!
8
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 12:42pm

Hi All

I need some help. Quick background-I am 29yo female, married, and have a psycho controlling mother. She doesnt work, doesnt have friends, doesnt have a life. She sits home alll day and comes up with crazy theories. She drives over to my bro's house when he is at work and goes through his personal and financial stuff, etc. I cant get into everything here, but she just plays mind games and guilt trips with people.

When I was a kid, she would invite people whom I did not want to befriend (either as a friend or boyfriend) over for lunch, she would tell them my work schedule, where I would be etc. I would constantly tell her not to do this, that I did not like the person and did not want contact with them. She would ignore my request and continue to go behind my back and call them or email them.

Now that I am an adult, I joined facebook ONLY to talk to 2 college friends who live out of the country. My mom joins and proceeds to befriend my friends, contacting them and telling them stuff I dont want them to know. Then she would write private stuff on my wall (knowing that everyone could see it!). And she would send me nonstop friend suggestions-again people I do not want to befriend.

This all ticked me off so I deactivated my account and made up a fake account to get away from her.

Now I dont want my family interacting with my husband's family. I like the two sides separate because I know how nutty my mother is and I want to avoid any drama. (She has a tendancy to cause drama amongst family members). So what does my mother do? She obtains my sister in laws email address and proceeds to email her daily. Mind you my sister in law has screwed me over many times and now my mother is her friend? I asked my mom not to email her but she doesnt care, hello, where are her loyalties? She doesnt care about my feelings.

What can I do to alleviate the situation? If I say something (like

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 12:56pm
Screw the guilt game. She's purposely breaking boundaries you have set up and it's time you got right angry with her and I would even cease contact. Who cares if she throws her guilt trip - or tries. It's up to you to get on board and you can flatly refuse it. For me, I had to disengage and stop all contact. My mother is deceased now but I do remember the games played. She wasn't doing things with my friends or inlaws like your's is, but to me she sounds like an upsurper who needs to be put in her place in a way that she never has before. How extremely inappropriate of her to insert herself into your lives like that! I find it infuriating just reading it! And, her going into your brother's things - well - if I were your brother's wife, there would've been a peace bond already in place if that happened. Life is TOO SHORT to suffer abusive and disrespectful people in it. Either she tows your party line where it concerns your life, or she does NOT have the pleasure/priviledge of being IN it. Period.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010

I agree, I

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

Big Hugs,

It sounds like you are going to have to get tough with her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003

Yeah, that's just intolerable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010

Just got off the phone with her, there is just no rational thought with her. She is just so warped in her perception of everything. I honestly think she has some mental disorder. Told her again how I felt and she went

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008

I've read all your posts...and I'm sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003

It sounds like time for talking is over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
You and your brother should cut off all contact with her. Change your phone numbers and email addresses. If she knows nothing about your lives, she can't share anything with anyone. There's not much you can do about her contacting your SIL, except say, "good luck. I hope you two are very happy together".

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