Same every year ..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
Same every year ..
20
Mon, 01-16-2012 - 2:06am

Hi,

One of my good friends has a birthday dinner every year. She invites us all to the best restaurant and we all pay for our dinner and hers. I just looked up the restaurant. Its about $40 a main course on average. Most people would eat 3 courses and have wine. I don't want to seem petty but I don't eat 3 courses and drink much and feel that I don't want to go out and have

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2011
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 10:13am

(admittedly I have not read entire thread so please forgive if this was already answered)

Has she ever acknowleged your birthday in the fashion she wants to be acknowledged?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 9:47am
That's how I treat people on their birthdays. If I get a card they get a card...if they forget I don't do anything. I'm one of those who always remembers birthdays and recently it was my brither's 50th birthday and he expected everyone to fall over him about it but he never does anything for anyone's birthday so I let it pass and now he's not speaking to me. Ironic huh???

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 11:14pm
I have a friend that is kind of like this. Every year, she would have a birthday party, and every year I would come and bring her a gift, yet not only would I never get so much as a birthday card from her, but she didn't even remember my birthday at all. I finally got tired of the whole thing and stopped going. We're still friends, but I don't spend money on her. Yea, sure, it's supposed to be better to give than to receive, but give me a break. To not even get a card? Pass. I felt not one ounce of guilt for bowing out of it all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 9:46pm

Hi,

Im opening this post up again as the friend who had the party thought is was absolutely fine for all of us to pay and so the party went ahead and its now well and truly forgotten. Anyway, she mentioned to me the other day that someone who didn't come to the party SHOULD have still bought her

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 5:05am

Well the birthday dinner has come and gone and Im so over it.

THe meal was ridiculous :( .. A choice of

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sat, 01-21-2012 - 10:23am
Sorry but I'm with the others, didn't think she was single anything only that she is extremely self centred. Hosting a birthday party & expecting others to pay for your meal is inappropriate. Years ago, we used to do sibling birthday parties at restaurants but the birthday person didn't coordinate it & it was just for anyone who was free. Only thing I insist on is separate checks. I don't find the method of throwing in what you think works with all people. I have been burned many times when I coordinated a lunch or dinner for family, friends or work. Many people "forget" the taxes &/or tip.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Fri, 01-20-2012 - 7:11pm

I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Thu, 01-19-2012 - 2:42pm
No I wouldn't have guessed she was a single mom.

I would go and get a lower priced dinner. Skip the wine, have water, skip the salad, bread and dessert. Nothing wrong with that and you don't have to wrack it up to make it cost $200 in the end. And when you order tell the waiter yours is on your own tab.

A card is the only thing I'd give her. No gifts or pitching in for her dinner is required. For real.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 11:03pm
Nope. I wouldn't have guessed she was a single mom, nor that she was a "single gal."

I only once threw myself a b.d. dinner at a restaurant. I was going to pay for everyone's meal, but my father threw down half the money for me, and I paid the other half of the entire party.

Single moms are no more greedy, tacky and clueless than the general population. It's just this person who has a problem. I've not met anyone that does such things.

And please let us know how it goes.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
Tue, 01-17-2012 - 10:55pm

To all of you who have commented so far, thank you for your time responding to me and for your very good opinions. I agree with you all that she is tacky and has huge expectations that we will all just go along and pay up.

She is a single mom, ( you could have prob guessed that) and I think she feels that its one way she can get others to do for her. I suppose during the year she is spending her money on gifts for others and most likely feels that this is the only time she can choose the restaurant and have a meal to remember on other people money.

I think she most likely thinks that her friends have partners and life is easier when your a twosome, so its her chance to get something in return. Without justifying it, this time I will go to the dinner.

I resent it, but I suppose Im lucky enough to be able to afford it. For me it means she gets a token gift rather than a decent one. She just doesnt get it that its unreasonable to expect this, but I know others who do the same thing, so maybe its the single gals that think this is fine.

I will let you know how it goes, its this Sat night.

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