She is always around!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
She is always around!
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 11:58pm

My ex best friend can't say no to anyone because she needs everyone to trust

her. It has gotten to the point where she lies about it to get involved in

peoples personal situations and has even repeated stuff people have said

to her in confidence to get people to laugh about it then brags about how

much better than everyone else she is because of it. I quit hanging around her

and ended the friendship, but people will not quit asking me about her. If we

are planning any get togethers, it is suggested that she be invited when she

disses the people in the group behind their backs. When they need help from

her she always bails or uses it as another way to bring them down a peg or

two, they even act uncomfortable when bringing her up. Is there any way I

can make it clear to everyone else that I no longer want any contact with this

ex friend without coming off as rude? Even my coworkers who know her keep asking

about her and it is really getting to the point where it reminds you of the last

thing that made you just want to grind your teeth in annoyance. Its not that I mind

being asked about it, its just that its becoming a constant thing. Sometimes I just

want to say 'we are not joined at the hip.' I really don't want to come off as rude

but I feel like this is taking over my whole life- I try not talking about it and

talking about more relevant stuff but its not working- people still insist on bringing

it up constantly. How do I let people know I just want to have a conversation thats

not about that without coming off as rude? any advice would be appreciated, thanks in

advance. I have several different groups that I am around but this ex friends name is

always brought up- its like every time I turn around there she is even when shes not


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 9:17pm

It doesn't sound like you're worried about being rude to the ex-friend, just don't want to be rude to those people who ask about her? Am I right?

My advice is to simply answer their question as briefly as possible, then change the subject. If they persist, then simply state, "I'd prefer not to talk about that." and again, change the subject. Given enough time for people to realize you two are no longer friends and are not joined at the hip, then they'll quit asking. Patience, my dear. It will come with time.

That's not being rude to either one. Hope this helps.