she slept with a guy i liked - is she out of line?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009
she slept with a guy i liked - is she out of line?
9
Tue, 10-04-2011 - 9:28pm

ive written about this 'friend' before. she annoyed me til no end a couple mnths ago but i ve been more toleraant lately maybe cos im getting regular sex from my new bf haha. but seriously...

i met a guy 8 mnths ago and we went out twice (as friends but i liked him) but my work schedule stopped us from getting together beyond that.

my 'friend' (we'll call her D) ended up meeting him recently since we sometimes travel in the same circle and she had known i liked him but we couldnt see eachother etc.

a few wks later she told me she saw him at a party and he was flirting with her etc. i told her it's fine, that we havent seen eachother in mnths but that yes i had liked him and hinted that

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

If you have a prince of a boyfriend and this guy really isn't anything to you, I think it would be nice to pass him on to a friend!

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
You told her it was fine. You have your own boyfriend. I don't really see why there's anything to be annoyed about. You may have originally asked her not to talk about it to you which she ignored but really, if you've moved on from this guy (which you should have if you're dating someone else), why should it bother you to hear about it?

Maybe she is trying to make a competition over it but the best way to deal with that is to not take the bait. By getting annoyed, you're doing exactly what she wants. She doesn't sound like a very good friend so I wouldn't blame you for distancing yourself from her - but there's no sense getting annoyed about her seeing/talking about seeing a guy you supposedly have no interest in anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009

i guess the point is who she is and how she is and i know no one here can get that unless they know her.

it's happened to me twice before that friends slept with guys i liked but it didnt bother me cos i knew their character

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
She sounds like a drama queen and emotional leech. Do you need that kind of friend in your life? She keeps bugging you because she doesn't trust her own radar (obviously faulty) for picking good guys. Yet, if you were to speak up that she hasn't picked a good one, she'll be all kinds of pissed off and defensive, right?

You don't really need an excuse to distance yourself. And no, I don't think you're overreacting.

Obviously, she's not taking the hint. I think you're going to have to get a little 'mad' at her (yes, this is probably what she wants - the drama) and tell her - point-blank - that you don't care to hear about her merry-go-round of romantic exploits - with this guy, or any other. Tell her it's annoying and to STOP IT. Then when she brings it up again, change the subject - and make it obvious - such as, "Beautiful weather today, isn't it?" "Did you hear about that new story...?"or, "Oops, someone else is calling now, gotta go!" *click*.

Every time she brings it up, you give her the same response. She'll either distance herself from you (not getting the drama she craves), or she'll stop bugging you about her serial romances.

                  &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010

The responses in regards to your post are dead on!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004

I can only respond from my own perspective. I probably wouldn't end up friends w/ either of them for long as both the boy and the girl's values on relationships and friendships and personal privacy are so different.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

So, you're looking for permission to no longer be friends with somebody you don't like?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
I think you have to decide if she is worth it to you. You did sort of give her the green light when you said "...it's fine...". However, if she is competitive with you, you might want to consider moving on. I don't think competitive girls make good friends...well, not the ones who are competitive about everything under the sun. It just gets to be too much.
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
"it's happened to me twice before that friends slept with guys i liked but it didnt bother me cos i knew their character and that they didnt do it to annoy me"

Right, which is why, if she is doing this to annoy you, the best way to deal with it is to not get annoyed.

I agree with the response that you don't need an excuse to distance yourself from her - if you don't like her, you don't like her - distance yourself from her but don't let her get under your skin if that's exactly what she wants. Back away from the bait but don't rise to it.