Should DH pay for bro college fees after he failed 3 yrs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Should DH pay for bro college fees after he failed 3 yrs?
10
Sun, 05-15-2011 - 9:46am

Hi Guys.

It's wonderful to know that you are here for support. Ok. I hope not to be LONG. I am 31 Dh 38, no children yet i had 2 miscarriages in the past 6 mths. I met my DH 5 years ago, married for 2. I was single with my own small business & was living in an apartment at my mom house. I had bad experience with my fam since i was in a long distance relationship and was helped out financially. They would always ask for something which i would give. My DH had the same experience with his dad who never took care of him. His mom went to another country 8 years ago. Presently i am not employed, my DH is. We are still living in my moms apartment since she is not in this country, we are hoping to get our own home next year. This thing is my DH younger brother got a scholarship and failed 3 yrs in a row and was sent back to this country. Now his he is going to university here and my DH mom expects my husbands to pay his fees. My DH studied and it was very hard he took a loan. His mom was there for him while growing up but it was still hard. i have never seen her and i started asking my DH to communicate with her more since she is his mom. I aam very skeptical since her brother told me she is very greedy and always want. firts she used to send small gifts for me and since i stop telling her my business she would send little stuff on DH birthday and not a sweetie for me. i talk to her like once a month and i stopped for a while. For the past 4 years she has been calling and telling us about different friends of hers who have places to rent telling us we should rent a place. My DH is does not say much but he deos not like it. I am making alot of sacrifices here since this apartment is small. Now his brother is calling him and bugging him for $$ & we do not have much. I was in an accident and i took my saving to buy another car so my husband will be less stressed. So after being here for five years at my mom apartment making sacrifices. I have alot of things that i need and am doing without for now. Should i allow my DH to pay for his bro fees for 4 years?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004

When money is shared among family things get complicated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

There is no way in heck I would be paying for someone else's college education after 3 years of failing. They would be entirely on their own.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
If her mother doesn't mind them living in an apartment at her house while mom is living out of the country... I don't see it as being MIL's business in any way. OP's arrangement could work out very well and she'd be in her new home before too long. MIL is just being crazy telling them they need to move elsewhere and start paying rent, and at the same time, pay brother's schooling expenses. It's absurd.

OP, I hope your DH will stand up to her and tell her no. Sometimes things do need to be explained, and I would tell her what you said here. I'm thinking maybe she is trying to get you to move and rent a place so that you won't be able to afford a house, so could yet probably still swing brother's college fees. What do you think? Is she that sneaky and manipulative?



 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010

imotherothers, Great post!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008

Thanks for the replies.

I forgot to mention that i do pay the taxes and insurance

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008

She sure is. Always pretending. How i have never done said a wrong thing to you. I love you like a daughter and i give you guys my blessing and i am happy for you. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Yes i think so. I chat with her like a daughter to a mom just get where she was coming from. She never even asked if u plan to get a house soon. She only wanted to know if her son wanted to rent the place i told her no. He asked why she was finding place for him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

If the only communication you have with your MIL is via the telephone, you have an easy way out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008

I have some personal stuff of hers in a room locked away, i want to take it to her son but i don't want to seem like i have a problem. When i ask DH he sadi anything is fine by him. Am not sure what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
odigrl29 wrote:

I have some personal stuff of hers in a room locked away, i want to take it to her son but i don't want to seem like i have a problem. When i ask DH he sadi anything is fine by him. Am not sure what to do.

You said you want to take the stuff to her son.