Should I ask money to my mother?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2008
Should I ask money to my mother?
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 1:15pm

I never got along very well with my mother, I suspect she suffers from NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and she was always abusive to me never accepting me for who I am.

Last May I decided to stop contact with her. I tried to cut ties last year after an abusive episode from her where even my DH was shocked but I didn't. At the time I told her to seek help from a therapist which of course she didn't since she believes she's perfect and it's the entire world that is against her.

But I got pregnant in January and after a very sad episode from her in May I decided to cut ties since I don't need a person like her in my life or in my daughter's life. Of course she was shocked and mad about it since she believes she can do anything nd get away with it. Since then she tried to contact me but I never replied.

I used to work on a freelance basis but since an episode where my pregnancy was at risk I had to stop working, so it is only my husband's income from his job which is not much. I'm due in 2 weeks and I'm awfully stressed because I have been acumulating bills and credit card debts since I stopped working and I don't have any money. I can't even pay for my website to be live (that's where my clients used to come from).

My mother used to help with money from time to time (I think she used money to control people) and I'm considering talking with her again so she can help me. I don't want to have contact with her again but I'm really desperate about money and I don't have anyone else to ask for. My father passed away many years ago.

I don't know what to do. I'll feel awful with myself if I talk with her again just because of money and have to deal with her again, but I don't know what to do! Please advise me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 2:13pm
I don't think you can have it both ways... You can't have her $$ but not her drama!!! Its a package deal---if you want the money, you're going to have to deal with her too.

I personally wouldn't call her! I wouldn't even consider asking her for money. Instead, I would call your creditors & see if they can't help you work something out!!

I know you're pregnant & probably stressing out. Try not to worry...its not good for you or the baby! Things have a way of working themselves out....good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 3:54pm

Surely you realize once you saw your question in writing that borrowing from your mother from whom you've cut all ties due to her causing you so much stress and potentially affecting your pregnancy is a truly BAD idea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 5:45pm

Tsk Tsk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2008
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 6:55pm

Thank you for your replies, they make all sense in the world. I don't want to contact my mother neither I want to deal with her just because of money, that's not the kind of person I am neither I would respect myself if I did that. I was desperate when I wrote the post. I still am, but I can see things clearly now. Thank you again, this forum is great!