Should I attend my sister's DW??

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jaeda444
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2005
Should I attend my sister's DW??
1
 Mon, 08-09-2010 - 3:57am
So I recently found out one of my sisters became engaged and I was very happy for her. The problem is where she wants to have the ceremony- Greece! Yep, she wants a destination wedding and would like her immediate family in attendance. While I have always wanted to visit this country, I’m really not in a position to go. She will be having the ceremony in September of next year, when I will be in the middle of my graduate program. Taking time off of my demanding schedule and not to mention the costs associated with this event will be a nightmare. She refuses to schedule it earlier in the summer when most of the family will be able to go, but she does not want to do it saying that it’s too soon for her. (Keep in mind the travel costs and the weather will be similar). She also wants to have a reception a couple of weeks later back in the states- but I also run into the same problems of again time and money (I would end up flying back to the opposite coast for this event). While I realize that this is her big day I am also really pissed off. Some of the other siblings are in the same boat as me. What do you all think???? Do I have a right to be angry about this?

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oyveymaria
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: jaeda444
Should I attend my sister's DW??
 Mon, 08-09-2010 - 7:46am
I think you should let her know why you can't attend, wish her the best and send her a nice gift. You can also try to lend some free time ( if you have any ) to helping her plan or helping her run errands for the big day. Beyond that, there's not much you can do. A couple has the right to have their wedding where ever they want but it's unreasonable to expect other people to cater to their whims. My husband and I got married in Las Vegas. We knew that our parents would make it because both sets were retired, but we also knew that our other family members would not be able to. Between taking time off from work, paying for air fare, hotel etc, it's too costly. So in our case we explained that to people and had a dinner at home 2 weeks later. Between wanting people to follow her to a foreign country and the economy being what it is, your sister may not get very many attendants any way. You wont be the only one. I know you feel bad because it's her big day but you will do the best you can and shouldn't feel any guilt.
cl_gingersnapelle
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
In reply to: jaeda444
Should I attend my sister's DW??
 Mon, 08-09-2010 - 9:38am
I agree with Oyveymaria. You will need to tell her you can't make it and send her a nice gift. It's one thing to scrimp and save for the trip, but you're in the middle of a graduate program! She probably doesn't realize that you can't just "take off" from grad school.

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lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
In reply to: jaeda444
Should I attend my sister's DW??
 Mon, 08-09-2010 - 2:39pm

I can understand not going to Greece, but to skip the stateside reception, too, seems a little ridiculous.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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ohearto
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
In reply to: jaeda444
Should I attend my sister's DW??
 Mon, 08-09-2010 - 3:15pm

I was on here a few months back asking much the same questions you asked. My Neice was having a DW. I told her I wouldn't be able to attend. I couldn't afford it.

Last week neice moved back in with her Mom. The wedding is off.

jaeda444
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2005
In reply to: jaeda444
Should I attend my sister's DW??
 Tue, 08-10-2010 - 1:51am

Hi everyone- Thanks for your advice. I still feel really bad about the situation but I’ll send her a nice gift and card.

Hi Liz- While it's great to hear from a fellow grad student, please remember that graduate programs are not the same across the board when it comes to subject matter, course work, intensity level, schedules, etc. Going into my second year, I have a very good idea of the time commitment and effort that is needed to do well in my classes. It sounds like you may have a more forgiving schedule; I regrettably do not.

cat_alley
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
In reply to: jaeda444
Should I attend my sister's DW??
 Tue, 08-10-2010 - 8:06am

I was recently reading Miss Manners regarding destination weddings.

 

cl_gingersnapelle
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
In reply to: jaeda444
Should I attend my sister's DW??
 Tue, 08-10-2010 - 9:05am
I was never a big fan of destination weddings either. The only weddings I traveled to, were places where the bride and groom lived. I knew a girl who had a DW wedding in Hawaii. Neither of them came from money and the siblings on both sides couldn't go. The couple was very young. I don't know how they could've afforded such a wedding.

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sillyme12000
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
In reply to: jaeda444
Should I attend my sister's DW??
 Tue, 08-10-2010 - 2:57pm
Honestly, I think destination weddings are fairly selfish. Unless all of your friends and family have an unlimited supply of money, or it's just going to be the bride and groom in attendance. I certainly understand getting married where you want to. But you can't expect everyone else to be able to go. My brother's second wedding was a DW, and the only people there were the bride's family. None of mine. They did have a big party back home, though. I think if that is the case it's ok.
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lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001
In reply to: jaeda444
Should I attend my sister's DW??
 Tue, 08-17-2010 - 6:30pm

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Edited 8/17/2010 8:06 pm ET by lizmvr

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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coconut2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
In reply to: jaeda444
Should I attend my sister's DW??
 Fri, 08-20-2010 - 7:18am
Now see, to me this is typical Bridezilla nonsense. Instead of a lovely sharing and blending of two families celebrating the creation of a third, this sister is making her family members feel terrible, faced with the choice of going into debt and seriously disrupting their lives or else being excluded. I guess I don't agree at all that a bride and groom should only think about
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