Should I contact my long lost adult sister who has cut contact with ALL family members?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2012
Should I contact my long lost adult sister who has cut contact with ALL family members?
10
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 8:03pm

20 years ago, my sister moved out on her 18th birthday during midnight without notifying my parents leaving a letter on the bed stating she's not kidnapped and not to contact her again The same day when it was afternoon, we got notice my sister was adult adopted. With the help of a private investigator, I have found her and would like to contact her and form a relationship with her but I'm afraid she's going to place a restraining order against me. Here's the letter she wrote:

Dear (recipient)

The purpose of this letter is to inform you that I am not missing and/or kidnapped and I no longer wish to contact ANY family member including but NOT limited to siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Do NOT contact me for ANY reason including but not limited to inform me of death (anyone's death), to inform me the news, to see my children/to see if I have children, to see if I'm married/who I'm married to, and to see how am I doing. Do not contact me through physical presence, electronically (phone, internet) and through friends. Do NOT look for me and please ask ALL family members not to contact me. I no longer see you guys as "family" and just because we are biologically related doesn't mean we're "family." Do not blame anyone for my abandonment including but not limited to with these phrases. "It's your fault why she left," "you did this" "you did that and that's why she left." Please do not argue over me about me disowning the family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2012
My aunt ran away from home at 15 in the 1940's. Almost 20 years ago she died and her only child wrote a letter to my grandmother, who had Altzheimers. We never found out his name or address, only that he tried to contact us from England, where he was born and raised.

OP, I don't understand why she refuses a relationship with you, since you had nothing to do with what led her to leave... but just leave her alone. She obviously has issues and does not sound like she'd be kind to you even if you two connected.

I believe my aunt went through abuse, why else would she flee at 15 across the ocean and never contact her siblings or anyone in the family again? JMHO/
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2000

It sounds like

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2009
Azure made some very good points in her post. It shouldn't have been reported and deleted. If what she said bothered you, the behavior should change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

She made it pretty clear she doesn't want contact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Jeez do you disagree with everyone or consistently just me?? I stand by my response.

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
swimercise wrote:
Do you live in the same area? If you do if she wanted to have contact with you it should come from her. Let it be...

San

I respectfully disagree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Do you live in the same area? If you do if she wanted to have contact with you it should come from her. Let it be...

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010

Why do you want to contact her now – after 20 yrs?

Have you discussed this with any other family members?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003

I have so many more questions.