Should I drop out of friend's wedding?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Should I drop out of friend's wedding?
12
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 3:54pm

I have been friends with this girl since elementary school but we've always had a rocky relationship. She asked me to be one of her bridesmaids but we just got into another fight.

I can't stand her right now and am seriously considering dropping out of her wedding. I feel like we should have stopped being friends years ago so we wouldn't have been in this situtation. I think she hates me too actually. I guess what I'm wondering is if it worse to stay a bridesmaid in a wedding for someone you hate, or to drop out and stop being friends with someone a few months before the wedding?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 4:51pm
jennn36 wrote:

I have been friends with this girl since elementary school but we've always had a rocky relationship. She asked me to be one of her bridesmaids but we just got into another fight (she backed out last minute from a bridal shower I organized for another friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Sun, 04-03-2011 - 8:45pm
Thanks for the advice... I guess I should rephrase what I said since "hate" is probably too strong.. but we just really don't get along a lot of the time. I just feel bad dropping out if she wants me to be in the wedding, and then I would be the bad person
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 12:16am

Semantics aside, this relationship is way too hot and cold, on and off, up and down

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 3:21am

When you're young, I guess you get a few chances to figure out when something is important and something is just drama for the sake of drama.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 7:15am

Hi, there..."hate" is a strong word and should be used sparingly. That said, if it's not someone you care for or a family obligation, there is no reason to be in the wedding, or attend, for that matter. Simple, right? I have declined such

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 8:02pm

Dear Friend - I am writing to let you know I am not going to be able to be a bridesmaid in your wedding. I am just not confortable with the recent issues we have been having. I am interested in working through the issues and would still like to attend your wedding as a guest if you'll have me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 11:35pm

I would tell her in person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 11:56pm

I think this is all good advice and I am really thinking about ending the friendship at this point. I am just worried about doing it in person or even over the phone since 1. she always backs out of hanging out anyway and 2. rarely answers the phone and if i did talk to her I'm afraid it would turn into a fight where she turns everything around on me like always and I end up being blamed for everything again. Yes, it is to the point where I am afraid to talk to her at all.

Is it that bad to just write an email saying I was hurt by what you said and we aren't meant to be friends? I feel bad about this but really I don't want to keep on with this and then end up in her wedding photos and feel obligated to stay friends forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 11:59pm
When I did it, I called on the phone and just said I couldn't do it after all. She didn't seem to know what to say, so she said ok, and I said, "talk to you later." We said bye, and it was over.

Turns out she didn't even get mad, and now over 30 years later we're still friends.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 4:11am

You need to stop convincing yourself to feel obligated to people you don't even like and who apparently doesn't like you all that much either.

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