Should I give in to Ex or fight against child support issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2007
Should I give in to Ex or fight against child support issues
2
Sat, 04-28-2012 - 8:16pm
Ok here is the down an dirty, I am the dad and I have been divorced since 2007. My daughter is now 13, to be 14 in December. We have joint custody an the ex did not ask for child support. In the decree it states the ex is to carry our daughter on her insurance an I am to pay half of all medical expenses. However, I actually carry her on my insurance. I also, take her to 80 percent of her appointments, I pay all the co-pays an my insurance pays the rest. The ex never offers to pay anything. My parents also babysit as well for the ex. Also, specific holidays are assigned as well as times and alternating weekends. Initially, to help out I never forced any issues regarding the schedule and always provided money or bought clothing etc as needed. In the past if my ex or Daughter had an event or vacation scheduled I would forfeit my weekend or cut it short, or even reschedule. My daughter is suppose to stay till 6 pm on Sunday but her mom usually picks her up around 9am or 12 noon and no I never say anything. When it comes to clothes or school supplies I provide those. Mom has even called me on occasion to tell me our daughter needs jeans, or shoes, or whatever. She signs her up for camps an after school programs an then asks me to pay for them. Problem arose when I remarried an even thought the ex an daughter all get along with new wife things began to change. I had to consider the new wife's opinion regarding money's spent and had to be stricter on the schedule because of plans we my have. The change in my time flexibility and restrictions on the bank account started to become a problem for the ex. The problem really started when our daughter needed braces last year so me an the ex agreed to split cost. We agreed to alternate payments. However, soon ex called said she and her new hubby were having money issues an couldn't pay. So, I agreed to pay for 3 months till she got caught up. I ended up paying off my half in that 3 months with a 400 dollar credit which afforded the ex another 2 months free. She never made a payment. The orthodontist office started calling wanting payment. We argued. The ex stated she still could not pay. After much discussion an disagreements with my wife. We agreed to finish paying for the braces. The new wife voiced her dissatisfaction to the ex an here started the problem. We then started to try to adhere by the visitation schedule an stopped giving in to all the exes demands so the ex went to DSS an filed for child support. The new wife had started a file with all bills and receipts showing what I have been paying for or daughter. Not that I don't think I should pay, it's just that we have proof that even though my daughter does not live with us full time we pay for all her medical, dental an vision bills. We buy the majority of her clothes an shoes an even buy her bulk chips, fruit an gatorsaides for school. We went to a lawyer and he said we will have to get credit for all we've paid because the decree does say the ex is suppose to carry insurance and we split cost. Lawyer also said if I do pay child support that's it I no longer pay anything else. Not to mention lawyer feels she will be held in contempt of court because she hasn't held up her part of the decree. So, my question is what's you guys opinion. Should I fight her or just give in.

Malificient

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
This isn't about fighting her...it's about doing the right thing for your children. I think you're entire financial relationship is in disarray in regards to who pay who do I think getting a definitive child support agreement is best. Don't be that Dad who thinks only how much more he pays...be the Dad that takes good care of his children.

San
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2007
I agree, an me an my wife do what we feel is best, actually my wife over does at times. Lol. I guess the point is, no it's not about how much more I pay, it's about the fact that I do pay more than my part an the ex, because she is mad initiated child support. I fear and my lawyer feels she won't be granted as much as she thinks and the child will get the short end of the stick. I feel the ex should leave things alone.

Malificient