Should I Just But Out Of My Son's Love Life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Should I Just But Out Of My Son's Love Life?
23
Sat, 06-25-2011 - 10:02am

My son is 27 and has yet to maintain a long term relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

Part two of the story of my son's girlfriend going off for the weekend with his friend. My son realized that the situation with his g/f and his friend going off for the weekend together bothered him more and more. Especially after his friends were telling him that

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

"I'm trying to keep my mouth shut, but I hate the thought of my son being made a laughing stock by his so called friend."

Are you sure that anybody is laughing at your son? Most likely your son's friends will think that the "buddy" and the xgf are sleaze-o's. It sounds like your son decided to break up with the girl just in time. Now hopefully he'll realize that a real friend wouldn't invite somebody else's gf away for the weekend or hook up with her as soon as they break up. It doesn't matter if she initiated the FB friendship. Being drunk doesn't give you a free pass to behave badly and cheat on your friends.

If you say anything to your ds about all of this, I would make it a discussion about the qualities he wants and needs in his friends, male and female, without pointing out his poor choices from the past. Just a nice rhetorical conversation that gives him some things to think about. I'm surprised that he even wanted to stay "friends" with the girl after he discovered that her values are so different from his own, and I understand that it bothers you that he wants to stay friends with the guy-- but you have to let him figure it out on his own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

Knowing what I know about his so called friends, it bothered them that he stopped drinking and starting hanging out with different friends (non drunks). They had said things to him like "you think you are better than us now", "Why did you get these new friends, we're no longer good enough for you". He just started backing seeing his drinking set of friends because he felt like he was strong enough to resist the temptation to start back drinking. So I think a part of his friend wanted to take him down a peg or two.

I really wish he would leave that whole set of friends alone. There was always some type of drama going on when he was hanging out with them, bar fights, and even fights among themselves. I think my son has finally grown up and is trying to act his age for a change but is having trouble leaving friends he has know since college behind. I told him they are still living as though they are still in college, partying all the time, drinking and picking up girls. I just don't think you should keep a friend in your life who would sleep with your g/f.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
I think you need to give your son more credit. He ended the relationship because he realized his girlfriend was not the one. The "lets be friends instead" is a pretty common approach and meant to lessen the blow of a break up.

As for the friend, I'm sure your son will move on is his own time.

You have a good son. Take comfort in knowing he is making good decisions, one step at a time.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

So when he calls me and ask my opinion I should just say do what you think is best and avoid giving my opinion?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2011

As hard as that can be sometimes we as just moms need to be the sounding boards. Your son is 27 correct. Hopefully you have given him the tools to be able to make the correct decisons.

He needs be able to be his own man. And yes in many ways your opinion count. But as a man he needs to be able to make some of the choices on his own without you giving an opinion. If you keep giving an opinion, how is he going to be able to make his own choices. Yes it seems as a young man he did make some bad ones. And he has had to learn the hard way, what happens when you make the wrong choices. But if you keep making them for him, how will he learn to trust his own gut

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

Thanks for reading my post and for the input. I guess my son has made so many poor choices in the past

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

YES!

We all make mistakes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

Tell your son you think he's wise enough to make the right decisions for himself and wish him luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

You mention his