Should I Just But Out Of My Son's Love Life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Should I Just But Out Of My Son's Love Life?
23
Sat, 06-25-2011 - 10:02am

My son is 27 and has yet to maintain a long term relationship.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
The story is wayyy over. As is the relationship.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004

ahhh to be in love lol

I think you have already done all you can. You voiced your concern to him.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004

Good for you for holding your tounge! Hard to do but in this case it was the right thing to do!

Of course you care about your son and his choices. You can have a healthy relationship with him as an adult and not have him labeled a "mama's boy." That will take some practice on your part by you doing exactly what you did when he reported back on the bad weekend...holding your tounge even when you WANT to say something. ;-) Some other things you might say if he calls and asks your opinion on things might be: "Well, I think you're capable of making that decision yourself. I'll support your decision." OR "I always want what's best for you but this time you'll have to work it out yourself. Just know I'm here and I love you."

Notice both of those statements are supportive but not "opinions" or "advice" or "telling him what to do." Your son obviously values you and your advice. If he questions your responses I'd simply say, "I love you and you are my son.You are also a grown man and I trust you can make your own decisions." Again, you reinforce him but don't commit to advice giving, etc.

Now, obviously, if he calls you up and says, "Mom! There's a guy here promising me a million dollars if I just sign on the dotted line. Should I?" You can be safe in saying, "No, I don't think that's a great idea. Why don't I meet this guy with you and we'll talk about it.?" Now,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

You mention his

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

Tell your son you think he's wise enough to make the right decisions for himself and wish him luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

YES!

We all make mistakes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

Thanks for reading my post and for the input. I guess my son has made so many poor choices in the past

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2011

As hard as that can be sometimes we as just moms need to be the sounding boards. Your son is 27 correct. Hopefully you have given him the tools to be able to make the correct decisons.

He needs be able to be his own man. And yes in many ways your opinion count. But as a man he needs to be able to make some of the choices on his own without you giving an opinion. If you keep giving an opinion, how is he going to be able to make his own choices. Yes it seems as a young man he did make some bad ones. And he has had to learn the hard way, what happens when you make the wrong choices. But if you keep making them for him, how will he learn to trust his own gut

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

So when he calls me and ask my opinion I should just say do what you think is best and avoid giving my opinion?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
I think you need to give your son more credit. He ended the relationship because he realized his girlfriend was not the one. The "lets be friends instead" is a pretty common approach and meant to lessen the blow of a break up.

As for the friend, I'm sure your son will move on is his own time.

You have a good son. Take comfort in knowing he is making good decisions, one step at a time.
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