Should I tell my dad this?

Avatar for chicle
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2003
Should I tell my dad this?
8
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 11:15pm
This week I went to the beach with my parents and half-sister. My half-sister does not live with us, she lives on her own. Her mom died some years ago. I wont go deep in how she end up living by herself after her mom died. The thing is that my dad still supports her and she lives in the same house she used to live with her mom, now it belongs to her.

So this week we went for some vacations to the beach and my dad brought my half-sister with us.

I did not know my half sister smoke until she told me during these vacations. She was the one who told me she smoke because she saw me I saw her with a cigarette package and saw me I was surprised. She told me: "XXX I smoke, please dont tell dad, please please otherwise she will get real mad". I told her: "Ok, dont worry". I said that because she was trusting me and she look up to me, perhaps like the big sister she can count to hide things from her not just know but maybe in the future. Im just assuming this might be a reason. She is 19, Im 32.

Should I tell my mom this? I know that if I tell my mom, she wont tell my dad, because that is something between my dad and her, if my dad ever finds out. It is best my dad finds out on his own about my half-sister habit not thru me. But Im thinking that eventhough my mom wont tell my dad anything, I'll be breaking up the confidence my half-sister put on me, when she told me she smoke.

Should I tell my dad or mom? or I should better not say anything?

Avatar for heatherjohnst
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 1:20am
If it were me , I would keep it to myself. Even though she's young, she's still an adult. It's not your place to tell. Chances are ;if the secret isn't out yet, it soon will be. The smell of cigarette smoke is pretty hard to hide.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 3:36am
Although i personally am against smoking your half sister is 19. She is old enough to decide whether or not to smoke. Its up to her to tell your father not you plus as the other poster said she probably wont be able to keep it a secret for long. I can smell a cigarette a mile away and so your father may be able to smell it especailly if he visits her at her place.
Avatar for cl_starrzz_n_moonzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 9:06am
I totally agree with Heather and tickle. I would not by any means be the one to tell him. If I remember correctly from your previous posts I would definitely not tell him because she can do no wrong, right? I think in time he will learn from the smell and people slip up sometimes and then boom she will have told on herself. I would let things go their course and just go on. Who knows your dad may already know but just won't say anything. Trust me she will be found out smoking is not an eay thing to keep secret with the smell evrywhere and the need to light up more often once you get hooked. Hang in there and let us know what you decide to do and if your dad learns the truth. Have a good one~~~~Michelle
Avatar for chicle
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 12:32pm
As I said my dad does not know she smokes, she told me that. And my dad has never smelled her smoking because since she does not live with us, she has more time and is easily for her to get rid of the smell because my dad does not visit her everyday. SHe lives by herself, so she has the freedom to do whatever she wants to do without my dad knowing about it for days, because she never tell.

My dad live with us, my dad visit my half sister every other week, so my dad will never smell her, because she has enough time to get rid of the smell when my dad drops by her house.

I know she is 19yrd old, but she is very immature in many ways of her behavior. My sister does not study or work. The only habit my dad has told her to quit because it is obvious to the eye of the person is bitting her nails. She bites her nails because she picked that habit from my dad unfortunately. But that is not much to worry.

This is off the topic. My sister is not very feminine, because she does not like wear make up, she does not like to wear necklaces, earings or bracelets even if she goes to parties. She also does not like to fix her hair, she never wears a pony tail, a clip, a braid, she just has her hair long and just comb it, enough for her. She says she does not put anything in her body as necklaces and stuff, is uncomfortable for her.

Avatar for heatherjohnst
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 2:31pm
I know I posted earlier, but reading your last post, I picked up a new thought. Is it "possible" ;that since in the eyes of your father she can do no wrong,you secretly want to prove she's not perfect? I would like to think that your problem with her smoking is health reasons , but I don't think it is. You never mentioned the health aspect once. So maybe the real problem is jealosy. Now that you can prove to everyone (mostly your father) that she isn't perfect, your dying to tell. I realize favoratism is hurtful. I've been a victim of it all my life with my parents. Try to understand , though, that the favoratism won't end because you tell some tainting tidbit of information to all the right people. She is by all means making a bad choice for herself, and that can't be argued.Letting her secret out, though, won't reflect well on you either. I think you know all the reasons for that. I feel ,that if you find things that make you feel better about yourself, all the favortism won't matter so much.

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 10:38pm
Your sister is 19 so she is an adult. When my sis was younger she smoked and asked me not to tell my mom,I didn't,mom found out on her own.I wouldn't say anything.~cherrysnaps~ www.yourwebsister.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Sat, 05-17-2003 - 11:44pm
I totally agree with Heatherjohnst - who said maybe you want to tell on your sister to prove that she's not as perfect as your father believes her to be. You have to realize that if your father favors her over you, any tattling you do - no matter what awful thing she's done - will reflect worse on YOU than it will on her.

And I agree with the other posters, as well. I am a smoker and it is no secret. I know the smell invades my home, my clothes and my hair - and anyone who believes they can shower, brush their teeth and put on clean clothes to hide the smell is fooling themselves. Cigarette odor is next to impossible to remove from clothes and home furnishings.

I believe your father already knows, but is avoiding the truth because he doesn't want to accept it - and is letting your sister think he doesn't know. In the end, the truth will come out on its own, and it's much better for your father to face the truth himself than have someone wave it in his face.

Better for you to take care of yourself, never smoke, and prove yourself to be the kind of person you really want to be. Then it won't matter to you if your father favors your sister or not.

Msfit

                  &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 05-18-2003 - 3:03pm
I would adopt a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

It is not your job to tell on your sister to your dad. However, if your dad should ever ask you, it is not your job to lie either. Tell your sister that you will not "rat" her out, but that if you are ever asked, you will not lie to your father.

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com