Should I try to mediate? If so how?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Should I try to mediate? If so how?
Wed, 12-04-2013 - 2:54pm

one of my good girlfriends and my bf's best friend used to be really good friends, where they would go to movies and just meet up for dinner sometimes. They met through us and we used to do group things all the time. I think he may have had a crush on her (she's much older mid 30s and him more of a boy man late 20s). they used to flirt (IMO she kinda captialized on his attention too much) but we know and they know nothing would happen.

long story short, 5 months ago we had a group Vegas trip and she did not behave herself at all. She was inebriated and was mean and saying inappropriate things just to get attention for the most part of the trip, that even our other girlfriend and I were super annoyed and worried. even after we told her many times that she needs to stop drinking she wouldn't listen, we had to get the bartenders involved to get her to stop. Granted she had been very stressed at work and in her personal life that she was acting out, but still, not an excuse to get the way she got. After the trip, my bf's friend stopped hanging out w us (I still hang out w him along w the bf but he doesn't come to group things anymore). We didn't think much of it since he's sort of a flake. But then my bf told me his friend doesn't want to hang out w her anymore because of all the drama she caused. She's commented since we've been back how he has been MIA.

it kinda bothers me that we don't do group things anymore and I hate to see the friendship fizzle out. should I tell her that's probably why he hasn't been around and let her do what she thinks she should do? she does kind of need a wake up call (me and the other girlfriend did talk about an intervention but didnt end up doing it). Or should I stay out of it? I know he would never confront her about it since he's more of the ignore rather than confront type. On the other hand, it's not a huge loss and it's ok that we hang out separately. I'm not the confrontational type either but I will do it to resolve something that I feel needs to be resolved...

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 12-04-2013 - 5:51pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 12-05-2013 - 1:19pm

I do not think you should speak for the man but if you are a good friend of this woman, maybe you should give her a heads up about her excessive drinking and how YOU personally felt about it--were you embarrassed, concerned for her safety, etc.?  Is this a very rare occasion or does she act like this a lot?  

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Thu, 12-05-2013 - 3:07pm

Was the bad behavior in Vegas a one-time thing? Does she remember or know how she was acting there?

You could talk to her about how her behavior affects you personally...but know that she could get angry with you. It probably depends on how close of friends you are, if you two have a history of discussing sensitive topics etc. You shouldn't mention what anybody else thought or said, just your own feelings and thoughts.

No, you should not mediate between her and your bf's friend. Their friendship is their business and he has the right to handle it however he wants without outside interference. If she really wants to know why he doesn't hang out anymore, she can ask him herself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Wed, 12-11-2013 - 4:29pm

I was both embarrassed and concerned for her safety. It was the worst I've seen her and the only time that she's acted out that much. Although when she gets that drunk I wouldnt put it pass her to act as such, however she doesn't get that drunk much.