Should my half sister chill out and be less bossy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2013
Should my half sister chill out and be less bossy?
Thu, 12-26-2013 - 12:08am

Sorry this is long I apologize. . I have a half sister who is 30yrs old, her mom passed away some years ago but she does not live in our house, she lives in the same hosue she used to share with her mom.  She was a result of course of a fling my dad had in the past. All the family had already welcome her into the family already for quite sometime now.  As far as I know she does not work and she has never worked, she does not like go to college either, at this moment I really do not know what she does or she just stsay at the her house lazying around. I know  that she do like to help theh community and she helps different social association in her neighborhood.

 The thing is that currently our dad is in a recovery phase of a medical treatment that he started 2 months ago, In the famly we all know his recovery will be very very slow. I have other 2 siblings also. One is married and my brother is also single, like me and the half sister. I do work, my brother does not work like stable, he earns money for dental treatment services, and sometimes times are not that good  and otherh times he gets paid. My mom works in the municipality. The thing is that among all my dad kids we are taking turns during the days or hours  according to the time we are available t help to take care of him, to give him his medications, give him his food (as he is being fed at this moment thru a feeding tube untlil the doctor says otherwise). Ome days my half sister comes to the house and sleeps over and during the day we all help, her, or my brother or me or the caregiver. My married sister she stops by some hours during the night to help in something as well, but there are days she cant come due to she has her own house duties on her own to attend. During the weekdays from morning to evening Im at work so I cant help, my mom also works but she is off from work earlier in the day therefore is why my half sister who has more time stops by the house to help in coordination with the caregiver.

During this recovery I get up during weekedays before I go to work at 6am to start the medications to my dad, yes this early. So before I leave I give him some medications stated at the schedule  and during the rest of the day the caregiver or my brother continues and if my half sister stops by so she can pitch in as well.

In al of this my mom does not help my dad with the medications as well my dad has hids children to do it so and also we lift that burden to my mom.  She can prepare the meals but she does not give it to  him.

The thing is that my half sister sometimes is very bossy and she believes we do not take care of my dad well in some way. My mom gets mad cause she says In my house everyone is in charge but me like I don’t have a  vote as If Im not the lmrs in this house. Today my half sister like in a nagging  orcomplain way told me: XX look at this bottle with chamomile wash, it has to be changed everyday look at the bottle is all dirty and it is unbearable dad will ingest this. She added you live in this house you should notice this. 

My mom spoke to  her and told her that I cannot know if the wash is changed everyday or not as during weekdays Im not in the house to notice that Im at work and she is also at work (my mom), the only who can notice that is the caregiver, so I don’t know how often the caregve change the wash or not. As mylsef I always see the bottle wash clean so I assume the caregiver change it, as she knows she has to change the wash like every other day and she tells my mom she does change it.

My mom believes then that my half sister perhaps think we are not doing the best to take care of our father and we are not seeing details that she sees, therefore she complains. My mom told me if she thinks that way, so she should come everyday to our house and sleep  over all the week so she then is in charge of our dad since maybe she can do the job better than us.

We all do the best we can, each one pitch in and we try my dad follow his medicaitions and all but sometimes my dad is stubborn and she does not want to cooperate, we cant force him to take something if he is not in the mood,, even if the doctor did say it is a must and he knows he has to follow orders. So we sometimes  give my dad some slack and not force him s he may get upset  that we are constantly over him  and he is not in the mood for that, as my dad currently is very depressed, negative  and with his spirit very low due to this condition telling him drink this drink that if he is not up to do it at that moment, my half sister thinks  otherwise we have to force him like a kid is the only way he can recover faster and better, like have more authority on him, as the doctor says.

But my mom says that if she feels we are not doing a good job so then come to the house everyday  and she be the one taking care of him the whole day and not us, as she does not even have a job, she has more time on her hands than me during the weekdays. Now that Im on vacations im the one getting up at 6am to start with the medications , so I hardly sleep , my half sister if she comes to pitch in, she stops by the house around afternoon, and even if she sleeps in the house im still the one getting up at 6am to start the medications, she continus to sleep until she wakes up to start helping.

Im sure for New Years Eve my half sister will be celebrating at her house with her relatives and friends while me and my mom will be at home with dad., And my half sister will come to help later afternoon on January 1st. I mean we are grateful she helps of course, as she does do things that my dad needs  that I don’t do like washing his tteeth with baking soda or healing some lesion he has on his butt crack,  (for seating), my half sister does it on her own as she know I don’t do it and my dad already is used to her doing it so he only wants her to do I but we do not like her attitude that she believes we are not doing the things the way she does it. Or that we are neglecting details that perhaps she sees and we do not. Also she has more available time than us as she does not work or have