Should parents talk adult issues in..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Should parents talk adult issues in..
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 9:17pm
front of their small children?Like couple relationships, dating, etc. I mean kids under 8yrs old. Are they too little yet to start listening those issues?

I just will say what I was told my second cousin, Im not butting or have a say in her mother’s relationship.

My second cousin mother’s got separated (not divorced yet) from her husband like 6 months ago. My second cousin is a very sharp, wise girl, she absorbs everything she listens and tell everyone what she heard or see. My cousin does not live anymore with her husband, she lives only with her daughter in an apartment, my cousin is a very open minded woman, who is not afraid to say what’s on her mind. It seems my cousin, although I cannot confirm if it is true or not but according to her daughter, her mom is seeing a guy from work, they are both coworkers, the guy in question is divorced and have 2 kids but they are not living together of course, they are just getting to know each other My second cousin now gets along really well with the guy, the mother introduced him to her. My second cousin at her age, she understands well about love, kissing, boyfriend, gf, etc.

This coming Saturday is my second cousin birthday. The birthday will be at my house. and my cousin will invite to the birthday her co-worker. My second cousin today told me her mom will invite the guy, then she asked me to promise her I wont tell anything to her dad about her mom inviting the guy over.. She quoted: “Please don’t tell my dad, my mom will invite this guy over, because he will think she is dating the guy and if he knew, my dad will stop depositing money for our apartment’s rent”. I mean, my cousin is not getting married or have plans to get marry anytime soon, or will live with the guy, I mean he is a coworker and they are friends. I mean, how my cousin speak adult issues in front of her daughter, knowing her daughter is very wise and she absorbs everything she listens and sees. Im gather that if my cousin’s husband finds out she is dating another guy, he will say, the guy will be the one who has to support her, not him anymore, that is what my second cousin meant when she told me what she told me, I guess. As I said my cousin is a woman with an open mind, and she does not measure what she says or behaves in front of her daughter. I think there are issues that kids should not know if they are small and parents should not talk in front of their kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 8:52am
I agree w/ u. I think kids grow up too fast & its wrong for parents to discuss adult matters in front of them and put them in the middle of it all. It sounds like your cousin is being dishonest & making her daughter fall right in the middle when it comes to her soon to be ex, I think that is SAD. Then again I can sort of see the other side of it too, I mean the daughter is wise enough she knows whats going on, no point lying to her or trying to hide it, if its happening. I say that because I know how frustrating it was for my 11 yr old cousin when her mom (my aunt) was working at a bar at night and pretended to the kids that she was working at a different kind of job. My cousin hated being lied to, she knew that her mom worked at a bar. My personal opinion tho is that if u r a parent & u r doing something that u r ashamed of, then dont do it. Rhiannon
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 1:02am
I don't think its good for the mother to put the child in the middle like this. Besides which, if the father has to pay child support then the father has to pay child support. If its all done legally, then even if the mother did have another boyfriend this does not mean the father does not have to support the child or the mother.

However, that being said, I know that sometimes what is legal is not always what is done! I don't know what the answer is. But definitely the child should not be covering up for the mother. If the child inadvertently gives the game away then she will feel guilty. Like I said - don't know what the solution is I am afraid!