Sibling issue...need advice!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Sibling issue...need advice!!!!!
2
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 11:22am

Okay.... I need people's advice or insite on this...


I am 40 yrs old and have a beautiful family (hubby and 3 kids)... about 3 yrs ago, my brother had a problem with his living situation. So here's the story:


My brother was living with his girlfriend and her family in a difficult environment and he got kicked out.... he called me to see if I could help him out (asking only to stay for 2-3 months)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 1:58pm

From your story, there seems to be a pattern with your brother.

He moved in with you to escape a difficult living arrangement. And as your arrangement with him no longer fit his preferences it too became difficult, and again he took off.

Is he living on his own now?

I'm sorry to hear that he has caused such a rift with in your family. Did you have a good relationship with your Mom and Sister before this happened?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 7:40pm
Wow! What a selfish ingrate he is. Doesn't your mother or sister believe your side of the story? Like Anna says. He's following a pattern of living with others for free and not keeping up his end of the bargain. Your family should be aware of these reoccurring issues with him. They could be of the same mindset that he has - It's always someone else's fault.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 8:43pm

Hi,


This is a situation that many people would be frustrated with so your not alone.


I think you have to ask a few questions here - were your mother and sister supportive when he was living with you? Did they help with his problems when he was at your house or was it like you were an island on your own?


Maybe its worth while going over to your mothers house and laying it all on the table, so she understands how you feel. I find phone conversations never actually help.


With regards to your sister, let her look after him for a while - let them become chums, she will soon learn what you already know.. there is no need to actually tell her what he is like, because he will do exactly to her as he's done to you.


I agree with Gingersnapple, they could have the same mindset as him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 7:42am

Unfortunately.... They see it like they want to stay in standings with him....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 7:51am

To your question about support during the time frame of when he stayed with me is:


I supported him:


1.emotional (to get over his ex-girlfriend)


AND


2. Financially (I paid for everything for 2 yrs for him.... toilteries, haircuts 2x per month, clothes, food, room and board, etc....)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 8:28am

rest assured his girlfriend and her family will eventually realize what he is doing.

Im sorry you are being treated like this by FAMILY.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 9:09am
I'm sure at some point, your brother will end up living with your mom. The older he gets, the harder it will be to replace a girlfriend who tosses him out. When that day comes, offer NO sympathy whatsoever. When your mum is about to lose her apt because your brother is too expensive, smile and say "now you know what I've been going through".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 9:14am

I am truly believing that he spoke bad about me because...


I was friends with everybody on FACEBOOK (social networking site) and he deleted and blocked me, his girlfriend and her entire family and best friends also.....


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Just a question?


Im really feeling they are influencing him due to him speaking bad about me from the beginning....


What do you think?


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 9:22am

The sad thing about this is....


I will never trust anybody ever again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My philosophy has always been that I should help my family always.... I was raised by my mother and father to value your family...


Its a big slap in the face for me to get treated like this because I helped my brother with good intentions... never threated to kick him out (2 yrs) even when I wanted him to leave because it was annoying or just thought he was taking advantage... I just couldnt do it to somebody I love....


and the fact that my mother raised me not to be like this and then for her to do this to me also... (after I helped her so much in the last 2 yrs)


I feel my mother and sister should tell him.... and maybe Im wrong....


"LISTEN, you need to make amends with your sister... and until you do so... do not speak to me ... you are messed up for treating her like this and her kids (innocent victims)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 9:37am

I think he has influenced your family, his girlfriend and her family. Are some of your friends cutting you off too? If they are, are they your friends, primarily or are they mutual friends of you and your brother?

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