sick of friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
sick of friend
5
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 2:19pm

Hi;

New to this section of Ivillage but not new to Ivillage boards.

So I have a gfriend who dates a married man.. She has been complaining about him for three years and I try and ignore it but some days its tough to not to listen to her.. she wont leave him because he has money.

She never listens to my problems and she is always a victim yet she has been living rent free with her ex husband for 9 years.She uses the excuse they have a son who is 9.. Well? the kid is a mess and she chose to be selfish and only care about herself and stay in the marital home with her ex so she wouldnt have to pay bills. she pays some taxes on the house and some heating oil.

She

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 4:32pm

"I want to drop her as a friend but I dont know how"

There are two ways that I can think of right off the bat: stop calling her, stop answering her calls, don't return her messages. Hang out with other people. It may take a while but she'll figure it out.

The other way is faster and with more drama: tell her the things you told in your post. She'll probably get really mad at you and not want to have anything to do with you anymore.

The question for you (for yourself) is why you became friends with this person in the first place. She's been using her ex for years, using a married man, not interested in listening to your problems, and sounds like she's always complained about things so kind of using you as an emotional dumping ground. Why did you like her at one time and why did you stay friends with her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 4:45pm

You know I did think one day that she was using people but then I dismissed that because at times she can be sort of generous.. Not generous enough though to wipe out the selfish part of her.

I never call her and I have stopped answering her calls and all and I have to do it more often.. On some days though I break down and answer when she calls non stop.. I have nicknamed her the stalker and I have a huge problem with codependency but you are right about that part..

I have actually told her these things I wrote here and know what she does then? She hangs up on me and I think? Oh; good.. she wont call again but then I guess when she gets over it she calls again.

Not sure why we became friends. We met in a women's group and when the group broke up she kept calling me and we started the friendship and its been years now.

I guess because we used to have things in common and now we dont so that is why i am having a hard time letting go but I will.

Thank

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 9:38pm

Cutting her out w/o telling her flat out (which is also an option): Avoid her calls, cancel plans already made.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 11:21pm

You end your initial post by asking “what’s her problem”?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 09-21-2011 - 2:25pm
I've cut someone out of my life before...you just have to ignore them. Pretend they don't exist. I know it's harsh, but after a while, they get the message and you no longer have to deal with them. Good luck!