SIL wants my DH to help w/ her engagemen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2003
SIL wants my DH to help w/ her engagemen
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 2:52am
I'm new here, but have to vent somewhere. My SIL (DH younger sister) called last night to announce her boyfriend and her want to get engaged but the ring she wants is $12,000 and her boyfriend cannot get any financing b/c he has no credit history. She wants my husband to co-sign the loan for him so she can have this ring. She said that he has $5000 for down payment and he can pay off the ring in 2 years. We have only met boyfriend twice and SIL has destroyed her parents credit by having them co-sign loans that she missed payments on and frequently paid late. DH tried to explain graciously why we did not feel comfortable with this arrangement and she became argumentative with him and insisted that family is supposed to help each other out. I got on the phone with her and asked how boyfriend felt about asking her brother help get the engagement ring he is supposed to be responsible for and she said he didn't like it but thats what she wants. I got really angry b/c this is just another example in her life of not giving a damn about anyone but herself. I finally lost my temper and told her that she is too immature to get married and that she is selfish and behaving like a spoiled brat. She told me I should'nt get self-rightous and I told her that the answer was NO. I don't know what she could possibly be thinking that this is a good idea. There are tons of beautiful rings out there for $5000 that her boyfriend can afford, but how insulting for her to tell him he's not good enough and that her brother has to help. We don't know anything about this guy and if he can't make payments for any reason we don't want to be responsible. We have two small children to care for and have worked hard for our good name and credit. Of all our plans, buying a 2 carat, $12,000 engagement ring for her was not one of them. How crazy is she? Now I'm the big bitch, because I told her the truth. I'm upset with myself for losing my temper, but I'm glad I told her off also. I'd love to hear opinions onthis. I'm so angry at her for putting us in this position just because she is greedy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 10:02am
Good for you! You stood your ground and kept common sense, while your sister seems to live in Neverland (Peter Pan version - LOL). It's tragic that she's got her priorities in life so screwed up.

BTW, I got married in August. And tho my DH and I could have afforded a way to buy a $5,000 set of rings, I thought that was ridiculous. For a piece of jewelry? No way! I have better things to do with my money.

We paid $40 for a matched pair of silver bands.

Unless your sister finds a sugar-daddy to marry, she'll probably never be happy. So sad for her. Sounds like this guy may not make it... but for the benefit of doubt, I hope he's the one to finally make her grow up and face reality.



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 10:25am
I think your SIL and her bf are both insane but esp. the SIL. If it were me I would buy a beautiful ring for like $2000 or so maybe (I have seen what a beautiful ring u could get even for WAY LESS THAN THAT, my bf and I arent at the getting engaged stage yet but we have looked a little just for fun, the rings I loved the BEST were like $300-1000 and trust me the $1000 one would blow away her friends and ppl she wanted to impress which it sounds like she does want 2 do being so immature) and put the other $3000 in savings or use it toward their wedding or getting her parents credit back in shape (I dont know much about that but it sounds like they need to and of course shes prob. way too immature to ever think about it). How ridiculous, immature, and selfish can she be! OMG! I am 18 and my sis is 16 and even we wouldnt act like that in a zillion trillian yrs!!!!!!!!!!! I would definately worry about her not being ready for marriage, does she even know what she is doing. And her bf sounds like a real dork too if he is going along w/ the crazy demands of hers. No offense of course but it wounds like u feel the same! ;-) I cant believe this it just sounds so insane of them! I dont think anyone should ever spend $12000 on a ring unless they can TOTALLY afford it easily and are rich rich rich...I am just SO happy ur DH is not considering helping!!!! Hugs, Rhiannon

Edited 11/27/2003 10:30:00 AM ET by redrumrhiannon
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Sun, 11-30-2003 - 2:21pm
Honestly, your SIL sounds like an immature grown-up, and her even asking you guys for something this frivolous is absolutely ridiculas. Next time she asks, just keep it to a short answer, "NO!" She doesn't deserve an explanation at this point. 5K for an engagement ring is plenty, if she wants an extra 7K let her work for it.

I don't have any experience with SIL's, I am not married, but my sister is. Her SIL does some crazy things, asking her brothers for frivolous things out of the blue. One time she cut out a picture of an expensive piece of jewelry and expected her brothers to run out and buy it for her. This wasn't an X-mas or birthday or Easter or whatever present, she just wanted them to do this for her. They all said no, and it was the end of the subject.

If you are like me and feel bad every time you tell somebody no, or yell at somebody even if they deserve it, then apologize for raising your voice, and swearing if you did that. Don't go into it with her again, it will only cause more grief on both sides. A simple one sentence will do it, and just maybe she will apologize too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2003
Sun, 11-30-2003 - 11:22pm
Thanks everyone for your input. I think I'll apologize for losing my temper but not for what I said. I just think this whole thing is so stupid. What's sad is that her boyfriend has two kids and if they actually do get married, she'll be their stepmother and obviously she can't put anyone else's needs before hers. She's definately not "mother material". I wish I could tell this guy to run and never look back, I don't believe he knows what he's getting into. I'll take the advice to just say no next time and leave it at that, it's true, she doesn't need an explanation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 2:38pm
Good plan.

Apologizing will help keep the relationship in order. I think that you want that.

When she asks again for the loan, just tell her no. If she really pushes, tell her that you need your hubby's credit clear of extra loans in case your family needs something. Perhaps you can offer her the name of the local bank so she can co-sign the loan!

Ejkdmom Come visit my store:
Avatar for sara24
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 12:16am
I honestly don't think you have anything to apologize to HER for....but that could be because my first reaction would have been to burst into hysterical laughter at her "plan". I cannot even imagine the nerve she has 1.) to basically tell her future DH that what he can afford isn't good enough and 2.) to ask her brother and you to cosign for something so vain especially with her track record. She really does need to grow up. If she's that desperate for her $12,000 ring tell her to start a website similar to "Save Karyn".