silly question about feeding unanounced guests

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
silly question about feeding unanounced guests
55
Sun, 07-10-2011 - 11:35pm

Hi all..

My DH asked a friend to come over and help him with some firewood.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 12:16am
If the friend helped with the firewood per your own DH's request, I don't see the problem with a bag of chips and some drinks for the kids.

Am I missing something here?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 1:26am

If you know this guy brings everybody with him, then either hide the chips and candy next time or

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 6:25am

Like another poster said, if this guy was helping your DH out, no biggie to feed them. But, since we don't even know about that dynamic, in general terms, the kids are too young to know better. but it's time for mom to start teaching them some limitations..not to mention that's an awful lot of junk food for little kids.

For a while, my DD was hanging out with 2 sisters, and mind you, these are teenagers who should know better. But, they have zero social graces. Mom is very self centered and never bothered teaching them, I guess. they'd come over and eat me out of house and home, literally.

 

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 1:50pm

Jv,

Hi. You were very gracious to offer snacks and drinks. If anything it was rude of the adult woman who was the mother or friend of the kids to let them eat the whole bag of chips. They couldn't have been THAT hungry. :)

We live and learn. Now that you know what to expect if this guy ever comes to the house again you can set down some ground rules with your husband! Your husband should say to his friend, "Oh, by the way, if you plan to bring your girlfriend and your kids with you, make sure they have their own snacks and drinks." That's all he has to say. If the guy has any brains he'll get it.

Now, if they show up again and ask for drinks and snacks, I'd have a pitcher of ice water ready in the fridge and some plastic cups. I wouldn't offer any snacks - it's not your responsibility to provide snacks, that's the adult's responsibility to do ahead of time - and if a kid points at something and indicates they want it, (which my Mother would have immediately told me "NO.") then you have the right to say "I"m sorry but that's ours."

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 3:02pm

I think it irritates you for the same reason my nieces irritate me when I do something out my way, and nice for them with no "thank you" in return. It's impolite. How old are these people? If they are under the age of 30, I would not be surprised. No offense to any young ones who post here, but it just seems good manners aren't taught anymore.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 3:07pm

I might also be irritated at being put on the spot to feed the "entourage". Since the guy was doing your dh & you a big favor by helping with the wood I would have planned on giving him beverages during the work and a lunch or a substantial snack afterwards depending on the time of day--unless your dh and he routinely help each other like this and their understanding is that they bring their own food, and the buddy's gf does not feed your dh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 7:33pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 10:55pm

I agree - I couldn't imagine asking someone to come over and help me with something and then getting angry about giving their kids some chips and candy.

OP - I agree with you on the please's and thank you's, and I have even felt that same way about wondering why I feel angry about something like that, but my advice is the same as Cat's - put it aside, the guy was doing your DH a big favor (I've cut firewood, it's hard work), and all it cost you was a bag of chips and some candy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Mon, 07-11-2011 - 11:59pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Tue, 07-12-2011 - 12:10am
Yes you said it perfectly. I felt obligated. Like I said in my new post the cutting wood stuff was between DH and friend. Nothing to do with me or anyone else. There is NO obligation to tie in.. since friend did " this" I owe it to him to feed his kids. I am sure he didn't care either way either. I felt mostly again obligated when the little one asked and the mom was like.. OK lets go see what she has...." Seriously? Where am I going wrong here?

I am " friends" with the mom only through the guy. We do not talk anymore then when I see them here and there. I am sure she think we are more buddies then we are and felt ok with it all. ( we do not have kids for them to play with) . There was truely no meaness or using of me, just I think, a little in need of manners

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