sister and telephone calls

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
sister and telephone calls
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 8:52am
Hi this is my fist time posting here. I will try to be brief. My sister and I have always been close. She is a lot quieter than I am and 4 years younger. She has always as long as we can remember suffered with bouts of depression she is under the care of physician and takes medication. She no longer speaks to both my other siblings or my father. In the past year her husband has been diagnosed with a chronic illness. He is now home from work everyday. She works approx. 20 hrs a week. Almost everytime I call it's the wrong time. I should mention for financial reasons I have always done the bulk of the calling. At least every other day. I hear the annoyance in her husbands voice. "Yeh" I'll get her now" sometimes they just refuse to answer. Often times there are others in the room with her. Her neighbor is going thru a divorce and she needs constant attention. I offered to pay for my sister to visit many times in the past 8 years since I have moved here but I always have to go there. If this where a friendship it would be over no one would take this. My younger sibling said you need a medal how to you put up with that behavior. I have asked "when is a good time to call? anytime was the reply. If I tell her how I feel I'll end up in the same position as my brothers on the do not call list. Any ideas. I really do love her and miss my sister.
Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 4:02pm
When people in a depressed mood, they DON'T WANT ANY INTEREFERENCE, even though those people who interfer are the ones they love. Sometimes, all they want is for people to leave them alone, so they can re-group. I can feel, there's ALOT OF TENSION already brewing in that household, and your constant (interferring or trying to reach out to her) phone calls (even if you missed her) can trigger someone to fall deeper in depression or the wrong way. Her job, her husband, her neighbor are all examples of stress. I can see how you try to bring her to 'life' and also want her to visit you, but there are many reasons why she could not accept. Again, her job (maybe she just can't leave and return WITH A JOB), her husband and her neighbor (just like you, she cares about her) and can't put her down, by leaving her at a time when she needs her the most. Hope you understand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 7:59pm
I think despite her words to the contrary her message is 'give me some space'. Why not drop the frequency of calls to once every couple weeks?? Send her one of those calling cards for Christmas where you pay the fee for her to call you is also a nice idea. Just because she needs some space doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Pushing yourself on her is going to backfire. Call, but less often.
Avatar for cl_2and1more
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 9:17am

Hello, glad you posted here.

I have read the other responses you have received and I would have to agreee that maybe your sister needs a bit more space.

although I want to point to something different.