Sister & Mother driving me insane!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Sister & Mother driving me insane!
4
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 2:00pm
Here I go again. I live with my 20yr old sister and my mother & father. My sis and I are both in college in the area, so we both still live home. Yesterday, my sister was online, as usual, for about 20 hours. I have 2 essays due by Friday and asked her if I could do use the PC to do them. She freaked out. "You're lying! You're just gonna go online! You don't have essays! You didn't even go to class today!" And yes, I did. "Then how'd you get home so early?" Hello! Ever heard of a test? And when you are finished you can leave? You should know that in your 3.5 yrs and a 2 yr school. So, embarrased at having to stoop to this level, I told my mom, hoping for some type of intervention. Did I get one?? NO! "Your sister can use the computer." BUT I HAVE AN ESSAY DUE! ARGHHHHH! I can't take this anymore! And since we only have the one car, we have to go together everyday, and guess who HAS to drive and throws a hissyfit if she doesn't get to! NOT ME! HER! My OLDER sister who acts like a baby!!!!!!!! I am infuriated and fed up. Am i being as irrational as both of them think? (For the record, my father is on my side but is never home to enforce it.) I'm going nuts. And when i decided to go away for school next year, my mom got pissed and said "We're not good enough for you?" Guilt trip. Oh, I think i forgot to mention the part where I turned off the computer and my sister body slammed me. Irrational? I think not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:01pm
I know you probably don't want to hear this or might have a good reason or excuse not to, but my best advice is go out and get a part time job (maybe even on campus) and use every bit you can to buy your own pc. That way you won't have to fight with your sis over it anymore. I am 18 and still living at home too so I somewhat understand. My sis is 16 and thank goodness we have our own pc's or we would kill each other when we both wanted to use the same one. It is worth every penny I spent - trust me. Rhiannon
Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 09-10-2003 - 10:35pm
If you don't have a parttime job, find one. If you get allowance, save them. Ask your parents to give you an increase and do extra chores to get it. Save as much as you can and also tell your parents you NEED TO GET A COMPUTER and if they could HELP YOU pay for one WITH YOUR MONEY SAVED. Have a sit down talk with your parents: she gets to use the PC and YOU GET TO USE IT, but there has to be a scheduled time so no one whines and fight.

If you need to do homework (essays) your parents need to UNDERSTAND the necessities of why, when, how, and what you have the PC in the first place. It's also a good idea to attend college farther from home, if money is no problem. They are driving you insane, I agree, but the sooner you guys talk about this, the better for everyone.

Maybe if you're extra nice with your parents they will give your very own PC for your birthday present or Christmas (hey that's about 3mos. from now!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 12:41am
Irrational, no. Immature, maybe: >>>and guess who HAS to drive and throws a hissyfit if she doesn't get to! NOT ME! HER! My OLDER sister who acts like a baby!!!!!!!!<<<

Who cares if she drives? What's the big deal? So, you use the time to study instead. I've been driving for 30 years and LOVE it when someone else wants to take the wheel... (But for the first few years, I was like your sister - wanted to be in the driver's seat all the time.)

Sounds to me like the two of you are squabbling just like teenagers, yet you're both adults. So let her act like a baby if she wants to... you don't have to. Buy your own PC (doesn't have to be a new one - check the want ads for a cheap used one), or go down to the local library, stay after school and use one in the school's computer lab, find a friend or relative who's willing to share, or go to bed early and set your alarm for 2:00 am and do your homework then. You can find another way, instead of fighting with your sister. That's rational, and that's mature. Her hogging the computer and body-slamming you against the wall is irrational and immature. But heck, if anyone unplugged this PC while I was online, they might suffer the same consequences from me. (Who said I was rational and mature? Not me...) You don't say what your sister was doing when you turned the PC off... she's playing online chatting with her buds, OK by me, pull the plug. BUT, what if she was working on a term paper and hadn't saved it yet, hmmm?

As for your Mom, no one knows how to lay on a guilt trip better than Moms. Just don't play into it - recognize it for what it is. Deal with her in a logical, practical, cool-headed manner. Focus on the FACTS of why you need your own PC, why you think it's best to go away to a different college, why you need your own car, etc ... and do your research on HOW to make these things happen without your parents footing the bill for you. Just don't try to sway her with your feelings and emotions on the matter. Won't work.

Good luck!

Msfit





                  &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-12-2003 - 10:06am
I understand where you are coming from. My sister is older, and always had to be in control. It was easier, and still is, for my mom to tell me, the rational, easy child, "no" than to deal with one of my sister's fits or with 48 hours of "I didn't get my way so I am going to make everyone else miserable" ploy. Boy, could I tell you stories of injustice!!! I know it sucks, but there are ways to get what you need.

As everyone else has pointed out, you are an adult and need to become responsible for providing for yourself what you need. Going away for school is a good decision, but in the mean time, a part time job will give you some temporary autonomy. Maybe you could convince your parents to reward you for doing what you can for yourself by chipping in for a car or a computer. Hint: check with the tech department at your school. We bought SD a decent PC for $50 from the college DH teaches at, and with another $100, she updated it. If you have computer access at school, start spending your evenings and weekends in the computer lab. Your sister has given you the best excuse for doing so. Spending time away from home and away from your sister is probably a very good idea anyway.

I know how difficult it can be to step out of the patterns of interaction that have become so ingrained, but that is exactly what you need to do. If your sister insists on behaving like a spoiled brat, there is nothing you can do about that, the only person you can change is yourself. Let her have all of the adolescent things she still craves, its time for you to move on.