sister question

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
sister question
2
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 9:24am
My problem is my sister wants to spend too much time with me. I have 2 kids and a husband and she is in an unhappy marriage and her kids are grown. I don't know how to tell her I don't want to feel committed to spending so much time together. This has caused problems with my dh and myself. Help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
In reply to: pattyoh
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 9:30am
I don't know if I can be of any help at all here but have you considered telling her kind of what you have told us, like maybe telling her that you love her and enjoy spending time with her every week but your schedule is so busy and you need quality time with your family, so maybe just on one day you 2 could go do something together? Would that work? I am not sure how often you see her now but I would imagine there's gotta be some way you could let her know gently that its too much and needs to be a little less. Once I had a friend who I spent all day everyday with and we started to get on each others nerves so finally I just told her, I enjoyed hanging out more when it's not everyday or every other day, just once in awhile. It worked and we're still friends, of course it could be different since you 2 are older and sisters, but I'm thinking it would be better to talk it out with her honestly than just avoiding her or suffering without saying anything and hurting yourself and your family, ya know? Good luck, Rhiannon
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
In reply to: pattyoh
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 12:39pm
Patty,

Perhaps instead of telling her to back off you could try to encourage her to get involved in some new activities. It sounds like she has a lot of time on her hands that she needs to fill. Maybe you could suggest that she volunteer somewhere, join a club or other organization, or you could even introduce her to some people you know. If she has more friends and activities she is less likely to lean on you. Hope this helps!

Tracy