Sister + Wedding = ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2013
Sister + Wedding = ...
6
Wed, 05-29-2013 - 2:26pm

Hi Everyone,

I am new to the board and I am sooooo happy I found you!

 

My sister is getting married and I am MOH or one of...she needs two. We are not close in age or in life. I am six years older, though I feel with life experience I am 900 years older, or maybe just 20 or 30 years. Anyway, I am a single mom of three kids, three almost teenagers. She lives 20 miles away and only sees them on Christmas and birthdays (maybe), she wants them in her wedding but insists on talking to them like toddlers and dressing them the same. My issue is she keeps saying she doesnt want a big expensive wedding she never wants to be someone who spends 30k on a wedding. She is currently at 25k and doesnt realize it. She is spending everyone else's money and has no concept. She has only lived on her own for the last year though she is in her late 20s, and my parents still help her pay bills. I finally had to explain to her I cant buy all the wedding attire in one week because I didnt have the money at the ready. She went to freeze and wanted to know when and if I could please not stress her out. I finally lost it, told her I am raising three kids and living life not providing her with one day like its her whole happiness, just one day. She is so focused on the wedding she has zero idea there is a whole marriage after that.

We have the Grand Canyon of space between us to begin with, my BF cant understand why I am even bothering. My answer, if by some small miracle she finishes growing up before she is 50 and we get to have some kind of decent relationship I dont want the fact that I skipped her wedding be the thing that breaks that. Though now I am not sure I will make it...I found from the other bridesmaids she paints me the old spinster who is so nasty I will die miserable and alone. Nice huh?

Thanks for letting me vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Tue, 06-18-2013 - 11:15pm
Do you know other mothers of teens? When my granddaughter was readying to go to homecoming, the local dress shops had hugely overpriced dresses (I'm talking $300 to $700!!!)! Several other mothers of teens told my daughter about a local place that sells gorgeous dresses for WAY less. It's sort of an inside flea market kind of place where Asian ladies have "shops" which are each divided from each other by 2 x 4's and wire fencing. They sell absolutely gorgeous dresses for $69...and terrific dress shoes for under $25. Everything is brand new, just imported and each store's overhead is low given they don't have "real walls" dividing each of the stores therefore, their merchandise is less expensive. I've heard from others that there are places like this across the US, so maybe another mother of teens would know if there's one within driving distance for you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2002
Sat, 06-08-2013 - 6:29pm
Sounds like your sister SELFISH & a Spoiled Brat! Try David's Bridal they have beautiful Junior Bridemaids dresses for $99.00, also check Macys they have beautiful dresses for young teenagers that within your budget. Good Luck! I wonder if she's ready for marriage?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2013
Wed, 05-29-2013 - 11:30pm

No my girls can not be in dresses from the bridal shop because they are too old for them, they are afterall "just junior bridesmaids" so she insisted on prom dresses (my very tall girls are 12 and 13). Though when we got to the department stores all of those dresses were "too old" and the one she liked was more than my MOH dress and I have to buy two. Not to mention my girls hated them and they didnt look good. Thats when my temper blew...

Honestly I feel better that I got it out and now its just ridiculous! It really isnt me and I shouldnt feel guilty for making waves or whatever she is just...wow lol. Yes I want popcorn and a front row seat for the after honeymoon phase!

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 05-29-2013 - 8:09pm

Does she want your kids to be in dresses from a bridal shop that coordinate with bridesmaids dresses? Or is she willing to let them wear clothing from a department store? If the clothes need to be paid for on the day you go shopping, could she cover it and allow you to repay her over time? It doesn't sound like she knows much about being flexible yet but maybe she will learn. Lucky her to have a fiance that wants her to have everything her way.....hope she doesn't have too rude of an awakening after the honeymoon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2013
Wed, 05-29-2013 - 4:29pm

My parents get it now, though they have drawn the line with the wedding, they also realize they have created this and she is a runaway train. It may be a little too late. Her fiance just wants her to be blissfully happy and have whatever makes her that way, at least for the wedding...so Im out numbered. I told her I can do what she wants with enough notice not the what are you doing today we should go buy dresses now routine. I also told her if we dont find anything on my budget for the kids they will skip it. I hate losing my temper like that but it seems to be the only thing that slaps her out of it. The downside of my lost temper is it takes me a while to cool down - a loooong while when it comes to her. The wedding is the end of the summer so we are just getting into crunch mode. In a sentence, I just dont understand her. I can say I tried. She makes me feel old and jaded - I am soon to be 33 and I just know life is more than a day. She takes that to mean she doesnt deserve a wedding. I guess she doesnt understand me either.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 05-29-2013 - 2:54pm

Do your parents "get it"? It sounds like they have been enabling her to remain clueless about the realities of adulthood but maybe they can explain to her that not everybody has her budget? What about her fiance? 

What about not having all of your kids in the wedding party? I'm guessing that they are not close to her anyway, since she seems to think they are still toddlers, so maybe they wouldn't care and then it would save you a bunch of money on clothes. You should stay as MOH because as you said, it could create a huge rift, not just between you and her but with other relatives taking sides etc. Just try and bite your tongue....how long until the wedding?