So alone. Please help.
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|Tue, 02-19-2013 - 2:17pm|
I apologize in advance because this will be long and I don't know how to avoid that!
I met a girl when I was 15 and we became the best of friends. When I was 17, I had to move away and we lost touch. Then, magically, we caught up with each other again in 2008, and became close again. So close in fact, that she moved just 3 blocks away from me. Now about the same time that she moved into my neighborhood, some new neighbors moved in next to me. A nice couple with kids that we really hit it off with. So, as time went on, we started to all get together...my family, my neighbors, and my best friend and her family. BUT, my best friend and I were still thick as thieves. I could tell her anything, and trust her. And she the same. About a year back, I noticed that my BF and my neighbor were begining to do some things without me, like joining the "Y" to work out together, going to lunch, things of that nature. But thats OK. I had other friends too. NOT as close to me as my BF, not even close, but I wanted to be mature about the whole thing.
Over Memorial Day weekend of 2012, the 3 of us couples went to Gatlinburg togehter. Overall, it was an amazing time, and we all had lots of fun. We then come back home, and everything SEEMS to be status qou. Then, about 2 months after our trip had occured, my best friend said she needed to talk to me, and to meet her and the neighbor gal at the neighbors house. So I go over, and am simply blown away. They sat across from me and told me how my BF was upset with me in Gatlinburg because of something. I asked WHY didn't she tell me earlier, instead of telling the neighbor?? No reason, she just did. I stared to see a real problem then. In te past, if we had issues, we would just TELL each other immediatly. NOw, she wasn't telling me, but telling the neighbor gal instead.
OK. So I let it go. Life is too short to hold a grudge. Many months go by and I see them, my BF and the neighbor, hanging out more and more. And some things come up that I tell my BF. In PRIVATE. So what does she do, she tells the neighbor. Beccause , as my BF says.."we are ALL friends and there should be no secrets". Well, I liked the neighbor gal and all, but geez, I wanted to be able to still trust my BF and tell her things in private. And I got burned twice. So I started to back off. Self-preservation I suppose. They kept telling me we could all THREE be best friends. But we ALL know 3 is a crowd.
November 2012 rolls around, and my BF is just acting more and more distant. As am I. So I decide to talk to her about it. This was a relationship I really felt was worth fighting for. And if fighting was what we had to do to work out the kinks, so be it. So my BF messages me on Facebook, and a crap storm lets loose...She tells me I was NEVER the kind of friend she HOPED I would be. She tells me that I let my kids run my life, that she basically doesn't care for my parenting, blah blah blah. I was SO hurt. My kids are not perfect. But neither are hers. And I would NEVER comment on someone else's parenting. That to me is just off limits.
I talk to the neighbor, and she is just as hateful to me. She tells me "I would NEVER try to come between you two", but then turns around and supports everything my BF says to me, adding her own two cents as we go along. As well as telling me that she thinks I have "personal issues".
Once again, we patch things up. My BF told me I needed to reach out to her more, and not pull away. And so I TRY. I invite her to different things, and more often than not, she turns me down. Then, two weeks ago...My BF is sick. And had been for a couple weeks. We make plans to do lunch and she finally starts to feel better. So I ask her how her week looks and can we do lunch now? She tells me her week is SUPER busy. Maybe another time. Then, for 3 days in a row, I watch her go hang out with the neightbor, posting on Facebook all that they are doing together...lunch inlcuded. And a country concert on Friday night. And dinner out on Saturday night. And a get-together/cook-out on Sunday night.
So I went over last night, to try to clear this up. Again, she tell me that we just never were friends like SHE wanted us to be, and that her and neighbor lady just have more in common and are closer. I asked her...if she had a problem, WHY in the world would she not talk to ME about it, and fight for our relationship instead of just turning to neighbor lady and excluding me from everything. And she tells me she just wants to be happy and is tired of not pleasing people. That if "people" cant deal with things, then too bad.
Well, I got THAT picture pretty loud and clear.
I did make mistakes in our relationship. I also owned up to them, and when she told me what she wanted from me, I did my very best to make that happen. But she had issues with me, since last MAY, and never told me, just told neighbor lady. She told neighbor lady things I said in confidence. She made mistakes too. And worst of all, she doesn't seem to think I am worth figthing for :(
I am a 41 yr old married woman. Wonderful husband, 2 great kids, a good job. I have a wonderful family. But she was really my only CLOSE friend. She was my BF. I feel so lost and alone now. And just so sad. I dont feel like I have anyone to turn to. And the worst part is that I live right in between my BF and neighbor, so I cant escape seeing them ALL THE TIME. And I cant move:(
My husband says to just take what I can from the friendship. But I dont know at this point, if I can or if I SHOULD even try. Please help me :(