So..I guess I can vent here huh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
So..I guess I can vent here huh?
3
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 1:09am
Hey everyone,

Here's my story:

I'm 19 years old, and living at home. My brother is 23, and also living at home. Well, a few years ago his girlfriend from out of state moved in with us, supposedly only temporary. She's still here, and over the years that she has been here, she picks fights with me, at first we got along, but not anymore. She just recently turned 18 this month. My father is the type to sit back and stay out of everything, so he doesn't help at all. My mother doesn't like my sister-in-law either. Well, my brother ended up getting married to her, after of course the baby was born, in January. It's gotten to the point where I just basically live in my room, because I don't want to be around my sister-in-law. I'm not the type to fight with anyone, in fact, I hate fighting. I've never hated anyone before, but she's making it really hard for me to live here. I'm in college, and sometimes working a full time job, (only during the fall semester). She hasn't gotten a job since she's been here, and definately not now, because she has a 4 month old. She could get a job, an evening job, but she's too lazy. She doesn't help around the house, only gives everyone trouble. Her and my brother barely get along. Well, her and I have had many fights, and I usually work things out with her. A few days ago, we got into another fight when my mom was out of town. This was the worst fight I've ever been in with her. I love my niece, but because my s-i-l doesn't like me, it's hard for me to be an aunt. I'm to the point now that I don't care about getting along with my s-i-l. I'm not trying to work this fight out, because it will just happen again. My mom hates to see me suffer like this, because I can't handle living with her any longer. My mom says she wants to kick her out, but she's scared she'll lose her granddaughter (she's a sucker for babies). I'm going on vacation Saturday, and I'll be gone for a month. I've threatened not to come back if after that month she's still here. My mom has said she would kick her out before then, but I'm really starting to doubt her. Everyone in my family just always pretends that nothing ever happens. After a day or two they're all laughing together, and talking. I really don't understand this, since they all talk about each other behind their backs. I'm not that type of person, so I'm just stuck here. I have my boyfriend to talk to, but we're long distance, and I'll be with him this whole month, but I'm just regretting having to come back to this house. I'll be miserable again. This may not be making any sense, but I hope it is. A lot of people seems to think she's psychotic, and I do believe she needs mental help. Every fight we get into, she verbally abuses me, and I'm really sick of it. I insult her back, but it seems I'm the only one who get's bothered by this at all. If I try to go into the living room, she watches me and just looks for any little thing to start a fight about. To avoid any kind of conflict, I just stay in my room. How many parents would allow their daughter-in-law to live in their house, not pay for anything, use their son for all his money(which isn't much)and sit around all day and watch tv and talk on the phone? She doesn't respect anything in this house, including me, AND my mom. My parents don't do anything about it, and I'm just tired of it. Should I just stop complaining about all of this and live here, and be miserable? Ignore everyone? I've tried talking to my mother, and she agrees with what I say, but it's like after the conversation we have ends, she forgets about it. We had a decent family before she moved in here, and ever since she has, she just brings so much hatred, lies, and problems. I don't think she had anywhere else to go, because no one can handle living with her. I don't know..I guess I just wanted to vent...again. Thanks.

Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 12:05am
Have you had a one on one with your brother, about his wife? If she is acting like a DIVA just because she's married and now with a baby, and not being respectful to YOU, who is still considered a GUEST in your house, then there's something wrong with this picture.

Your parents, if not your brother, has the AUTHORITY to say something about her behavior. It's obviously giving you an ulcer. She's giving you alot of heartache, because you're close in age. Even though, she sense it in many ways, you dislike her alot. She's really taking advantage of things, because no one is BIG ENOUGH to do anything about it. Feeling sorry for her because she's got a baby and nowhere to go or support her financially. Does your brother have a job, and is he supporting them? They should move out, if he's man enough to be a father, to have their own place.

When my BIL stayed w/us, I felt like DH was supporting me, our son AND HIS brother. Out of the military, he can afford to be on his own. Instead, he was lazy and me doing all the work. He would whine if I asked him to help his brother out in the yard. After 6months, he was no longer our guest. I had a breakdown, and went and gave him my lip. He started paying rent, then he got tired of that and moved out! I had my family back. Right now, we're OK, we say HI, bye, see ya! No grudges. So, talk to your brother and see if there was something he can do to improve your situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 1:06am
Hi,

Thanks for responding. Everything you said seems to fit perfectly with my situation. I personally can't have a heart to heart with my brother, because she's "brainwashed" him to think she's right, and I'm not. He does realize that I am right sometimes, But she changes his mind. Now, my mother has, from what she tells me, and it hasn't helped. He does have a job, but wasn't making that much. He started a new job this past Monday, and hopefully he'll make enough to move out. He's spoiled, and doesn't like change at all though. She says she wants to move sooo bad, but secretly I think she doesn't, because that would mean she would have to get a job. If she really wanted to move out, she would be working right now. My mother has offered to bring her to work, and babysit in the evenings..but..still no job. My brother gets tired of the whole problem of her and I not getting along. I guess you could say he's like my dad in a way, just lets things slip by. I don't think he's man enough to even talk to her about it anyway. So, there's the threat of me not coming back if they're still living here. My parents know if I don't come back, I can't go to school next semester. I really don't want to take that chance, because I don't want to sit out a semester, so chances are I'll be stuck here anyway. I guess I'm bluffing, and hopefully they'll fold and kick them out before I get back. Oh well..Thanks for your advice. I'll probably be visting this board a lot from now on..lol. I wish I had found it a year ago. Thankfully I have this vacation to look forward to, maybe I'll feel better about it all when I come back. But thats unlikely.

Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-28-2003 - 9:27pm
I hope that things go your way, soon. It's hard when someone intrudes the once happy life you had. It breaks up family if they wear out their welcome, huh? I hope you can try to persuade your parents, since bro is not much help talking to her, and tell them how this is stressing you out and with school around the corner. To have them GET THE HECK OUT FASTER!