Soon To Be Mother-in law issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Soon To Be Mother-in law issues
3
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 3:40pm
Hi, I'm Lynndsiey and I'm new to the board. I'm 24 and I'm marrying a 41 year old man, we've been together for years. I've been with him since I was in High School and since then his mother has hated me. Calls me every name you can imagine and she won't butt out of our life. I'm expecting a baby in Jan. and she is trying to get my fiance' to deny this child saying it's not his when he's the only man I've been with. She has such a problem with me and both my fiance' and I have tried to sit down and talk, that failed so he tried and no luck. She bad mouths me and doesn't ever have a nice thing to say. We're having a baby boy and I picked out pooh bear for him and she re-decorated the whole room because "pooh bear isn't for boys" she says. Now we're debating whether or not she come to our wedding. He told me that he understands if I don't want her to come to our wedding and he would respect the choice of me having her not attned our wedding. Now I feel guilty about her not coming and I don't know if I should invite her anyways and just suck it up and have her ruin the day but make my fiance' happy or not invite her. He said he's okay with it but I feel guilty still. And she treats me and my unborn child like crap and I don't want her in this child's life, again my fiance' is okay with this because he sees how she treats me. Do you think I'm wrong to not let her be a part of her grandsons life? Thanks for anybodu who has ideas. Sorry I made this so long.

Lynds

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 6:36pm
I don't understand what you mean about "she redecorated the room". Is this in her house or if not how did she get into your house to redecorate the room. Or am I missing something?

I think you should let her come to your wedding and be a part of your son's life if you can. After all is said and done, she is his grandmother and maybe this will help to mend things between you.

I haven't had this problem so will wait to see what others have to say.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 8:02pm
I know a lot of ppl will probably disagree w/ me on this but I think if she is really that nasty to u like she sounds, then its a GREAT idea not to invite her to your wedding and also not to let her be involved in ur son's life. As for the wedding first of all, I think weddings (to me anyway) are like a SACRED thing not just a party or family reunion type thing. I would NOT want practical-strangers or anyone I didn't love and care for at my wedding no matter who they were. I mean family ties are important to me too, but I am sorry, I would NOT stand for that crap. If my mom treated my future husband like dog *&)$ then I would not want her at my wedding either. I dont think being blood related gives ANYONE the right to be downright nasty, rude, or mean. I think ur DF should cut (or at least loosen) his ties w/ his mom (unless she changed BIG TIME) if he is going to be true to u and his baby, who in my opinion are the most important, not his mom. I think if your DF really wants his mom there he will tell u and it doesnt sound like he does. At the beginning of ur post I thought maybe it was the age thing that was her prob but to me it sounds like she's the type who would find a reason to hate u no matter what :-( I will never understand ppl like that!

the ONE thing I don't understand, tho, is how did she redecorate your baby son's room? You guys don't live w/ her do you? If it were me I wouldn't give her that kind of power even over something like decor!

Hugs, Rhiannon


Edited 8/7/2003 8:04:49 PM ET by redrumrhiannon

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 11:24pm
Hey thanks both of you for your replies. Sorry, I should've been more elaborate with the re-decorating part. My fiance' and I recently went away on a week vacation and she watched our cat for us and well she wasn't given permission to redecorate the nursery. My fiance' made her pay to have it changed and well we're doing that now. Thank you guys again for your replies. I'm so lost as to what to do, we've tried so many talks and they don't seem to work. I'll think about what you said and thank you very much.

Lynds