Statement that bothered me

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2013
Statement that bothered me
Mon, 01-28-2013 - 2:11pm

Hello Everyone.

First I wanted to state that I've been a shy person all my life. I feel awkward in social situations (feeling like people are constantly watching and judging me). WIth that, I've never had a lot of friends and decided to devote my time to my education, etc. As a teen, my sister and our acquaintances always said I thought I was better than anybody (I guess it's because I never hung out with them and went to college instead of hanging out). My sister on the other hand has always been an extravert. She did not go to college and just went down a total opposite path. She had two children at an early age and experienced difficulties in life because of her choices. My sister and I have never been really close because of her actions toward me when we were younger and just the fact that we took opposite paths to adulthood.

I have a career now and even though, my salary may be a little bit more than the majority of my family, I live a very humble life. I do not drive an expensive car nor is the home I live in, one of extravagance. I live very modestly. I am the one that the majority of the family goes to for loans or transportation and when I go on vacation, I include them because they automatically invite themselves anyway. I constantly help my family and many times neglect my happines to ensure the happiness of my family. I also have one child who's father helps out with every now and then, so I do everything by myself.

The thing that really bothered me is: my sister's new boyfriend who she's been dating for maybe 6 months (and I've seen maybe 3 times) told me he refers to me as "Show Off". Now I've never done anything or said anything to give him that impression. I don't know if it is something my sister said to him that gave him that impression or what, because I have nothing in my life that exudes "Show Off". That just upset me that someone I barely know would judge me like that.




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Fri, 02-15-2013 - 11:08pm

Hi, First I want to tell you that I´m not picking on on you. It sounds nice that you say you sacrifice your own happiness for the happiness of others, but that is A BIG MISTAKE. No one will be grateful with you for doing that. Your first goal must be to make yourself happy.

About what your sis boyfriend said. I wouldn´t worry a bit about it. What kind of degree or studies does he have to make that ssuption? If that would have been said by the best  therapist on earth, then that might be taken into a second thought. Other wies. WHO CARES?

Try to be more selfish and ignore others opinion about you. You will never succeed to make all happy.The only opinion should count for you, is your own.

When people around you find out you don´t give a damn about others opinion, that kind of stuff won´t come to you because they will know it won´t cause any harm.


I know it is hard but you will feel more confidents and free if you stive for that.


Good luck!


Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 6:13pm

I constantly help my family and many times neglect my happines to ensure the happiness of my family.

This what I find the most concerning.  It screams of codependancy.  I could go on and on with the topic at hand, but to keep it short and sweet I would suggest looking into these codependent issues.  Whether it be counseling or what have you.  

Making these kinds of changes are hard, especially when dealing with family.  Personally, my life changed using the 12 steps.  (I am in AA, but lots of 12 step programs available)  And remember: We can only be a doormat if we lay down.  

Don't let this guy's comments get to you.  I know, easier said than done.  

 I had to do a lot of work around a relative and it was oh, so worth it!  They will fight it tooth and nail, but eventually they will figure out that you have stood up and they can't walk over you any longer.  

Hang in there and seek some guidance. 


CL Making a Second Marriage Work

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 01-28-2013 - 7:58pm

I agree with what the other person posted. 

I know it is easier said then done, but try not let some guy who knows nothing about you, upset you.  You sound like a very nice person who has unfortunetly been taken advantage of (loans to family, etc.). 

I can understand why you would be upset because I probably would be too.  But, as I am told by others, try not to let others bring you down.  You deserve to be treated with much love and respect.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Mon, 01-28-2013 - 4:41pm

I think it's time to cut the purse strings and let them fend for yourself, especially where your sister is concerned.   Stop handing out money for loans, and take vacations with just you and your child.  Don't even tell them you are leaving town until after you are already gone.  

 My bet is that she has said things about you to him, and is resentful for how much better you are living compared to her. It's easier to blame you than to take any responsibility for her own decisions. It sounds like your sister picked another loser, and you shouldn't worry about what he thinks of you.  Sounds like a perfect pair of sour grapes though. 


"Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open."