Still bitter

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Still bitter
1
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 7:29pm
This is long but I have to vent or I'll explode! My ex filed for divorce in Sept. of '99 after 15 years of marriage. My life was a wreck at that time: my dad had died of cancer in June of '98 and my brother-in-law, who was like a real brother, was diagnosed with cancer and died in July of '99. And to top it off my ex filed for divorce on what would have been my dad's 67th birthday! I was so depressed and tried everything to talk my ex out of divorce because we have 2 children together. One night I tried talking to him and accidentally scratched him; he called the police on me!! And then a few days after that he filed a PFA against me and I had to leave the house. And because of the PFA, he got primary custody of our kids. He had been having an affair during all this and I think he and the other woman planned everything. I had refused to leave the house and that's why he did the PFA thing. Our divorce was final a year ago July and he married this other woman 4 days after it was final. I got the decree in the mail the day they got married. This other woman is horrible towards my children and she calls me names in front of them. Since my ex and I have been separated, I was involved with another man and got pregnant. The relationship ended but I now have another beautiful girl. My ex's new wife called me a slut in front of my children just because I am unmarried with a baby. She has a lot of nerve!! She broke up my family and she was married at the time too. My children can't even mention my name in front of her and she won't let her kids mention their father either. If someone calls the house asking for me, not knowing we're divorced, she blows up at my ex. My daughters are afraid of this woman...apparently she yells at them a lot. My ex and this woman were separated but are now getting back together. He found out a lot of things about her he didn't know before, like she'd been married several times before but I guess he's going to go ahead and ruin his life anyway. I don't care about him, I care about my kids. All I want is to be able to communicate with my ex regarding the kids but because of this other woman, my ex never speaks to me. He's afraid he'll "upset" her. (He doesn't care how I feel!) I am still bitter because of everything that happened and the hardest part is knowing my kids have to live with this person. I have almost forgiven my ex but it's very hard because of this other woman. I know I should move on but I don't know how. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
In reply to: jacklene1203
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:00pm
I wasnt going to respond cuz I have never been married much less divorced or anything but I know that every1 likes to know at least some1 is reading their post! So here goes my naive point of view on this ;-) First off I can only imagine how hard it must be dealing w/ divorce esp. when its not 100% what u want or even 1% what u want, and esp. when kids are in the pic. So I feel for u. In fact even if scratching ur x wasnt an accident I can understand (not that its ok to do but u must have been VERY upset at the end of ur rope!) :-( It sounds like that escallated into a HUGE deal! I am guessing PFA is something like "protection from assault?" is that correct, like a restraining order? Same thing kinda? It sounds really shady, the whole deal, esp. ur x marrying the other woman so fast. I dont even know what to think about that, and I definitly think ur x's new wife sounds VERY rude and that is terrible her namecalling u at all but esp. in front of ur kids! :-( IMHO thats ridiculous for her to say that ur kids cant even mention ur name in front of her. And ur x not being able to talk to u regarding ur kids...that is just bad because its important u know, I mean they are YOUR KIDS! How immature of him and his new wife...what a great example for the kids, huh?! Argh. Honestly if things continue like that I dont know if I could ever forgive the x totally but all u can do is try. And I guess hang in there, try to be involved w/ ur kids as much as u can, and maybe that will get easier as they get older. If she is seriously scaring them or abusing them in any way encourage them to report it, or have some1 else report it. I'm thinking if u reported it no one would probably listen :-( Anyway thats all I can say, as I said I havent been there but I feel for u. Hugs, Rhiannon