Stuck in the Middle

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Stuck in the Middle
10
Thu, 02-10-2011 - 4:06pm

Students going away to college, and students living at home going to college get two very different experiences. My best friend from home is living at home going to a school right down the street, while I went away to school. She texts me and calls me all the time saying how she misses me and wishes how I could come home and hang out, making me feel really guilty for going to school where I want to. Over the summer we got in a bit of a fight because I decided to go visit one of my friends from school, she automatically thought that I did not wanted to be friends with her any more and that I was closer to my friends from school, friends that she claims "don't care about about me, and are just using me" (whatever that means). She is very clingy and is always making me feel guilty about spending time with other people I care about, which is pulling me further away from her. I know she has no other friends besides her boyfriend (who she spends every waking moment with) which makes me want to continue being friends with her, but I am getting really sick of feeling bad for having friends at school that I have become close with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 02-10-2011 - 6:40pm

I commuted to school and I will be the first to tell you that it is two very different experiences. I do believe her clinginess is more of a personality thing, rather than the college experience. Us commuters still made friends and hung out. In fact my social life was even more time consuming, because I had to drive when I wanted to hang out with my classmates.

It is a bit immature of her to pull the "you like her better than me" card and to say that your college friends don't care about you. Usually the college friends are more likely to become lifelong friends rather than friends from high school. You do the most growing and discovering of yourself during the college years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 7:24pm

When my daughter went to college, life in the dorms where she went to college was quite "iffy", so we paid the rent for her to live in an apartment off campus.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 10:15pm

Thanks... Yeah that makes since, whether she is jealous of me being away or of the friends that get to spend more time with me than she does, I just don't know if this "friendship" is worth keeping around when it drives me this crazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 10:21pm


Good for your daughter for getting rid of that frenemy. Boy when people are jealous, they say the meanest things.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2008
Wed, 02-16-2011 - 7:28am

Ahhh...playing devil's advocate here, but you don't know that the friend living in the apartment wasn't fueling the jealousy in a "mean girl" way, "saying the meanest things."

Maybe the friend called apartment girl spoiled because she was and acted the part.

Girls can be evil, and my hunch is it was not one sided.

But that doesn't sound like the situation with the OP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Wed, 02-16-2011 - 4:12pm

Actually, no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Wed, 02-16-2011 - 10:47pm

I'm not trying to make my friend jealous, I have started not talking about my friends at school when I am around her because it always leads to her making me feel bad for having other friends. It is just hard to keep my home life and my school life separate when I know we would all get along great if my friend at home would just get off her high horse and branch out a little.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 11:28am

I think it's the beginning of the end of a friendship when one feels they have to be so careful what they say or do in order to not upset their friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 12:23pm
irishtea wrote:

Ahhh...playing devil's advocate here, but you don't know that the friend living in the apartment wasn't fueling the jealousy in a "mean girl" way, "saying the meanest things."

Maybe the friend called apartment girl spoiled because she was and acted the part.

Girls can be evil, and my hunch is it was not one sided.

But that doesn't sound like the situation with the OP.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 12:27pm

That really bites when you can't share your life experiences with this so-called friend. She's not a real friend. I also don't think you should have to "curb your enthusiasm". If your life is going well and she can't "take it" that's her problem. I've dealt with jealous friends before and some of them I hung onto for way too long because I was sentimental. I eventually "fell out" with such "friends" because the resentment on both sides grew.

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