Let me just start this off with my
Are there any senior centers in your area?
It sounds like a situation where you are really going to have to make the conscious decision to hunker down and build those boundaries.
It wont be pleasant, and she will probably fight you.
Yes a complete dependent...
Can your mother still drive and get around by herself?
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
. -Albert Einstein
I know you need help & I promise to try to give you some but what were you thinking would happen when you had her move in with you? How long has she been living there & how close is she distance wise to her friends & other family? I was going to have my parents move in with us. We went to out to look at homes with a main floor inlaw apt. Then I thought about what I would expect. First my parents would be moving to a new location leaving their friends behind. While this won't bother my step-dad, my Mom would be lonely. Yes, she was in good health & able to drive but I knew that I would become her main source of entertainment/companionship. So I did the selfish thing & moved them into an apartment in a retirement community. You can imagine how popular I was esp since my grandmother lived with my Mom for over 30 yrs. This was the best decision I have ever made. I don't worry about them as the apt mgr checks on them daily. When Mom's health declined & she couldn't drive anymore, she was able to use the home's van service to get out. While my Mom had never had problems making friends, she found it harder as she aged & here there are so many activities for her to be part of that she doesn't have to worry about a friend to do it with. Could you discuss her moving into a retirement home where her friends might be? Have you had her health checked out? Dementia/mini strokes can cause changes in personality. Would it be possible to tell Mom that you are extending your working hours & won't be home until 7/8 - whatever works for you then you & your DH meet at the store to discuss work items? How about a compromise with your Mom on weekend meals? Are there any meals that you really enjoy of hers? In our house it was stew & then mac & cheese. Tell her that you want her to make these meals a couple of nights a week & make the effort to come home & spend time with her. I know you are frustrated with her & her impact on your life. I have been there & it's a terrible feeling as you just want her to go away but then you feel guilty for feeling that way combine that with you know she won't be around forever & you can't help but feel trapped. You need to set boundaries but IMHO you also need to consider her needs too. She sounds lonely & you invited her into your home therefore making yourself accountable for her. Her cooking is likely her way of being independent by caring for you. I bet she doesn't like this either but doesn't know how to deal with it. Finally, get yourself into counseling. You can scream all you want there!!!!Dee
You have ventured into territory I know better than to go.
As I read your post I was thinking that your mom sounds lonely and bored and no longer useful, and might still feel like she's neither a guest nor a resident in your home. I also hear how she's driving you crazy with her need for attention.
You got lots of good suggestions already. I strongly agree about ignoring her pouting...and retreating to her room sounds better than her pouting in the same room with you! Since you've raised kids, try to remember how it was during the teenage years because in some ways your mom is like a teen again--might want more independence than she gets to have (although for different reasons than a teen), feels misunderstood, feels like she never gets things her way, etc.
I really feel for you!! There would be NO WAY I could live with my mother!!!
Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend