Through the years, I've cut off most
I don't know. My family puts the "Fun" in dys"fun"ctioal. We have it all. Negative, addict's, control freaks, OCD, mental illness. You name it. But I guess we just accept each other with all our faults. I try not to judge other family as I don't want them to judge me. My older brother is an alcohalic. I won't be around him when he's drinking, but he knows that. We all had to come down hard on him. But turn my back on my family. No, I just can't do that.
I've had family that for no reason just quit talking to us. No one ever knew why. I always felt they were only hurting themselves. We weren't mad at them. Had no reason to be. Just couldn't figure out why they were so mad at everyone else.
Plus, when you remove yourself from family, it hurts the innocent. Usually the children. They have no idea what's going on, or why. I'm not saying one should accept abuse. But giving others a chance could be well worth the effort.
It could be guilt. Especially, if you feel your family and DH's family adds nothing to your lives and you're better off without them. I never written off any family members, but I have kept a few of them at arm's length at times.
My exbf wrote off two of his brothers, because they were alcoholics and when they drank, they were nasty. They ruined every holiday. The last straw was when one of them pushed their mother because she tried to take his car keys away. I remember my ex bf feeling a lot of guilt and regret. He was always wishing things could've been different. He used to say if they weren't drunks, they'd be great people. I thought that was a stretch, because the rest of their lives were out of whack due to the alcohol.
Could you simply be wishing things were different and that they were different?
Clinical Research Associate
Thanks all. We have not cut off contact completely with anyone, just (deliberately) drifted off through the years. Maybe it means I should go for a short visit, see if that helps. Maybe it's gone too far the other way. I think that might work, don't know why I didn't think of it before.
When you deliberately cut off contact you have to be aware of the consequences and that is that these family members will feel that you are not interested in them and behave almost angry with you when you do see each other again. People know when they are not liked, they are cold and say cutting comments from time to time.
I do it with my MIL and SIL. I couldnt care less if we never saw them, obviously DH feels different to me as they are his family. I also have some brothers who I just dont connect with but for the sake of the kids we all try and play happy families.
I believe that its important to see family even with warts and all as it shows your own kids that no matter what, you