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|Fri, 02-04-2011 - 10:00am|
I will try to explain this in a way that makes sense. I am divorced and remarried (happily). Because of kids, I still live in the same community. But, I would have moved if at all possible. My "old" life had a ton of toxicity in it and I have worked really hard to create a new life (not easy). A woman who I was friends with (but can now see was always digging at me) came back into my life when I met my new H. She had totally abandoned me and now seemed really interested in knowing what I was doing. Stupidly, I introduced a friend of hers to my new BIL. Had I thought they would get married (they did) and I would have this person who does not wish me well in our life (she knows all my news/works to make sure this new SIL and I have no relationship) would again have a front row seat...I would never have introduced them!
We have tried to reach out to this SIL and her H. But they appear to want nothing to do with us. Of course, I have tried to change my thinking/not care/focus on the family members I do like. But now, we just heard third hand about their new baby's christening (we weren't invited.).
To make matters more confusing my H's family is hard-wired for "Don't ask Don't tell Don't get involved". I know his Dad told him he thought it was weird and his mom is some one who loves to drive a wedge between her kids (I know. Have you ever heard of such a thing?).
To recap: I worked to get out of a life that had lots of negative stuff in it, and now in my new extended family, there is this ongoing weirdness that I in part attribute to the "poisoning of the well" by this old friend. She (and the new SIL) have never made any effort (after the day we introduced the happy couple) to see me, say thanks, say "let's grab coffee." And again, I have reached out to the SIL to no avail.
How do I reframe this in my mind? How do I go forward with what feels (to me) like this odd nasty aura? My H is a doll but has told me "In our family, we just don't talk about things." So I'm not going to change that. I want him to have a 1 on 1 with his brother and just clear the air. He won't. and I have to honor that.
Sorry, but I just had to listen to my MIL go on and on about how much fun they all had last weekend and of course, we weren't included.