Time to cut them off?
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|Sun, 11-11-2012 - 5:16pm|
I'm having a major problem with two of my oldest friends and I really don't know what to do about it anymore. It's making me very uneasy and irritable and nervous. Don't want to be a big moan about it, so I'll try and summarise the problem as best I can.
I have two old friends - Lisa and Sandra. Have known them both since I was 13 and 14 respectively. I was best friends with Lisa until around 17/18 then as the years went on and Lisa moved away, I grew very close to Sandra and have done a lot of travelling with her across the world.
Over the past few years, due to various factors, I developed severe depression, but have done my best to struggle on, haven't been away from work, but having said this, earn minimum wage. Compared to both of them, they must earn at least double what I do. Because I have become quite introverted - my partner left me quite suddenly and I have also suffered from 2 different bouts of abuse at the hands of men - I am not out as often as I would like to be. My job is quite demanding despite the poor pay and I also do NOT have the money to be going out on big nights out. If I get one good night out a month I'm lucky.
Added to this, various ways that the two of them have treated me have made me very wary of them. I should add they do not mix together and aren't friends, but their treatment is the same.
In 2008, Lisa and I had a planned trip to Europe (to Paris) and on the morning of the trip despite months of planning, she texted me after my bags were already loaded on to the flight, to say she wasn't coming. To this day, I have never been given a decent explanation as to her actions. All she did was send me a bunch of flowers and when I later asked for an explanation, she said, 'I think I was just stressed'.
So I distanced myself from her. She seemed to think she was entitled, and I did try to keep things going, was even her bridesmaid during her first marriage (during which she also treated me poorly, not turning up to showings I had arranged for her etc). But I found it a strain being her friend and am aware that I probably should have ended the friendship with her after the airport incident. But I didn't. Instead I introverted it on to me and thought there must be something wrong with me that she didn't show up. Around this time was the start of my depressive state.
Sandra is the same. She puts herself first, takes exactly HALF of my money off me for even the price of a DVD. One night recently I told her I needed my last five dollars for electricity, but she still took half of it for the cost of a toll booth payment. I was left with no electric for days.
Because i have withdrawn from both these woman, and started to make new friends who value me, every other week or so, I will get a text message to say 'You've been very quiet' or 'I thought you'd fallen out with me as you haven't been in touch'.
Why is it up to me to get in touch? They NEVER call or visit me. Sandra knows about my depression, the fact I've been suicidal and have virtually no money to speak of, but she would never turn up at the door to see how I am. I'm expected to do the running. If I explain I have no gas and can't come to see her, she would rather cancel plans than drive to see me. I explained to her that she is more than welcome to come see me this weekend (it's a 10 minute drive) and she said 'I'll have to see what I'm doing'. She also has a much older friend (Joan) who she rants and raves about each time she is in my company and has as good as told me that Joan is a priority to her.
This is really really getting me down and making me even more depressed than I already am. I'm starting to wonder is it my lot in life to always be 'under' other people while they say and do what they like?
Does it have to be like this? Should I just have cut these women off when they first started treating me poorly? The incidents at the airport and the leaving me in the dark with no electric (when I'd told her I wouldn't have any!) are situations that my new friends would never leave me in without a hell of a good excuse, but up until now I have thought that Lisa and Sandra's actions are normal. When I haven't seen either of them in a while they accuse me of being distant and of not showing an interest, despite the private hell (sorry to be dramatic) that I have been through. They never ask and it's all about them.
The thing I can't handle and the thing that really gets me is I'm so reluctant to 'let go' if I think someone thinks I am at fault. I can't handle that when I know I am not doing anything wrong other than not being financially able to fly to see Lisa or be willing to sacrifice my last couple of dollars to pay for Sandra's car parking.....
Any help or advice would be great....