Tired of My Sister Being Stupid and Whining To Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Tired of My Sister Being Stupid and Whining To Me
25
Tue, 08-16-2011 - 1:39am

My siser has been married to her husband for over 20 years and during all that time I have listened to all her stories about how badly he was treating her. She left him about 15 years ago then got back with him and now she has left him again and brought a new home. My other

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

Your sister is not stupid, she is abused.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
I'd say after 20 years of listening to this, you are entitled to tell her whatever you want. You've invested so much time.... I wouldn't want to invest another minute. Some people refuse to help themselves, and we're not their appointed caretakers.

Maybe she'll come back to you later with a new frame of mind. I recently reconnected with an old friend who I had to leave behind over the same kind of stuff.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Or maybe she likes the drama, and playing the victim and having everyone feel sorry for her.

Just sayin'! Cause there are some women like this.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

I don't think it's ever right to kick a person when they're down, so I wouldn't recommend telling your sister she's stupid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2008
"STUPID" is a bit harsh!


I believe that she behaves this way be/c people let her. She calls you to cry a river be/c you let her. Now I don't suggest you call her names but you can "limit" your interaction with her. By using caller ID, screening her calls, changing the subject or point blank telling her you cannot live her drama anymore!!!

I believe that you are just as responsible for the relationship as she is.......
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sadie, they're not even married anymore.

And some people need to be kicked when they're down.

The OP has put up with more than 20 years of this. I think her sister probably is just stupid. Lots of folks are, unfortunately. To continue letting abused women be considered victims forever, and even lifetimes, and putting their children in harm's way, is wrong. Men are mostly always to blame, when really they're not the only ones here. Men don't "control" women's minds like zombies, like some like to think. These women make their own choices.

I have little patience anymore for whiny women who continue to let their children and themselves live through abuse.

Twenty years, and some think she should still hang in there for her sister? Try to manipulate conversations to make her sister think about her choices, blah, blah. It's been TWENTY years.

She ain't ever gonna get it.

Toss her to the curb.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004

I agree. your sister is not stupid. She is abused.

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001

I agree with Cat.Alley on this one.

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011

Thanks for your input, it's just causing me stress to hear if for over 20 years. What makes it so bad is that I completely understand where she is, it took me 10 years to leave my abusive ex. But I never talked about it to my family

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

Domestic Violence Victims are nothing like the spouses of Addicts.

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