Toxic Mother

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
Toxic Mother
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 9:36pm
I am 23 and been having trouble with my mother. She has always used people to get what she wants. Since I have been on my own at age 19, she has been using me. Growing up I never really had a childhood because at age 13 I practically raised my little brother while my mother partied. My brother father had a nanny for him, but while he was away for school and other military training, I was the one being the nanny. She alway use me for money even though I am poor with no job, car, or savings anymore. She is the reason that I lost my car, helping her pay her bill and he promising me that she will pay me back in a few days. I no longer have any money left in savings because she always said she would pay me back within a few days if I would pay her car note, insurance and a lot of the times her rent. Just recently she has been two months behind her rent. I have no job but I live with my boyfriend, who only makes about $34,000 yearly. We have a house and a sports car for the family car. He pays all the bills and I help out with the small stuff like gas and food money for the week.

My bill was due at the country club's athletic department this week and I had money set aside for that, but my mom called me and said that she is two months behind on her rent and can I help by giving some money towards the rent. Since my little brother lives with her, I worry about his well being because I don't want him to live on the street because she is irresponsible, so I gave her $100. This is a lot of money to me since I don't have a job I am only getting unemployment checks which is under $300 weekly. I have only about three winter outfits to were. I need to buy more winter clothes because it is already getting cold where I live. Every other month she has her hand out wanting money and I give it to her because I worry about my little brother living with her. I want to tell his father how irresponsible she is even though he pays child support she always blows the money on something stupid. She always comes up with lies so I can give her money. Well, the bucks stop here! I left a message on her voice mail today told her never to call me again never! I really meant that. I am tired of putting my bills on hold to help her out. I don't care if she is out on the streets next month. Also she lost her job last week for undercharging her friends at the store she worked for.

I really hate her. I am pregnant also and she has me sooo stress. She always smokes around me and I am already weazing when I sleep at night. I will have to get an abortion because this is stressing me out so much that I just can't take it anymore and my boyfriend and I are not ready for children yet. Thanks for reading, I just had to get it out!

Avatar for genuinelyme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 9:00am
If you guys are this bad off then maybe your right, you are not ready for this baby, but then again life is full of surprises & honestly this baby could do a world of wonders for you both if you think about it. I totally understand about your mother b/c I also have this type of mother & grew up pretty much in the same way. What you have to realize & try to understand is that it is not your job to pay her bills, why do you feel so obligated to pay everything for her? Clearly she is making you unhappy & stressing you out majorly, but you are letting her. I have also learned that just b/c shes your mother doesnt mean that you have to like her or see her, you love her b/c shes your mother, thats pretty much it! Another thing is that sounds to me that she is just using you & walking all over you & you have this little person inside of you that needs you so much, dont let her take that from you, sounds like shes taken enough already! She has drained you! As far as your little brother goes mine also still lives w/my mother, but just do what feels right & it should be ok. Dont be afriad to be honest w/ppl ok. You have to realize too that not all parents are accepting & loving, the ways that we wished they were b/c we are screwed up b/c of them & seek their love & approval, I know how u feel! But just b/c shes your mother does not mean that she actually cares, I know that sounds mean, but not all mothers are the mommy type! If she only uses you & frustrates you then sounds to me that she needs a good kick in the @$$!! I really hope that you reconsider the abortion, but if you dont then it is understandable also. I know its a hard situation to be in, but life is hard in general! Trust me I came from a very hard home life, toxic parents, bad situations, drugs, sex, drinking, fighting, blah blah, but having my babies was the best thing that could have ever happened to me honestly, they are awesome & can help you see things in a whole new way! But if you honestly feel that you cannot be the mommy type & cannot provide, which you will learn that being a parent u find the ways lol then just do whats in your heart & what feels right, nothing feels worse than a life full of regrets!