ugh - the wedding pictures...long story

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
ugh - the wedding pictures...long story
7
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 1:45pm
This is something that has been bugging me ever since my DH and I got our wedding proofs back. We got married 3 years ago and when planning the event decided we really loved the photo journalist approached with the pictures - so, we spoke with our photographer (a friend) and decided we'd have a few posed pictures but the rest would be in the candid style, black and white/sepia (NOTHING out of the ordinary with wedding photos these days). Now, we got the usual posed picture - bride/groom with parents, with siblings, with bridal party, with in-laws etc..and when we got the proofs back, we loved every single shot - they we're exactly what we wanted. So, we get the proofs and we go over to my parents to show them - my brother, SIL and father all looked through - like them, etc and then my mother started looking through them and as she was flipping through the pages she starts getting this really angry look on her face and puts the proofs down. About a half hour later, she picks the proof books up again and starts going through again and out of no where slams the book shut, starts saying how these "F**king pictures are horrible" that we wasted our money, that our photographer didn't know what the hell he was doing, etc...Both my DH and I where SPEECHLESS I mean we where so shocked. I asked why are you so upset and she goes on to say how she's in none of the photos - OK, now we have great shots of her helping me get ready and then the posed shots - I mean, let's face it - my Dad got more picture time as he walked me down the asile, daughter/father dance, etc. In my brothers album obviously there are going to be more of her cause she's the mother of the groom - but she went off and threw the proof albums on the ground. My DH and I picked up our things and left without saying anything, we were really hurt that she would say that about our wedding photos - just the fact that they were about OUR wedding day and we had such an awesome time and they held such great memories when we looked at them. Anyway, that was 3 years ago and now, the photos I started off loving everytime I looked at cause me such freaking stress I can't even look at them. I've yet to get my album done , I haven't sent photos to any one in the wedding party or to in-laws...it's like she poisoned these photos for me (poisoned...LOL I'm sorry to be so dramatic) But I just can't get myself to even open the book to go through them and I'm really resentful to her because of that - due to her reaction everytime I open the proofs to try and go through them I don't see that awesome day my DH and I got married - I see her going insane and throwing the proofs around saying what crap they were. So, I guess what I'm looking for from everyone is simular experiences with wedding photos and how you stopped resenting the parent who ruined them. (Side Note: My DH's parents loved the photos - they said they reflected our style to the T and also said they totally showed what a great time we had and how wonderful everything looked - my MIL said this in front of my mother about 2 weeks after her blow up AND my in-laws were in the same number of photos as my family. Also, neither set of parents made any demands as to what "had" to be done at the wedding - they let us plan everything our way with no problems - very stress free) Anyway, thanks for reading and any tibits of dealing with this would be great.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 10:23am
I am not married so I haven't had that problem exactly but I do kind of understand because when I finished high school through homeschool, my mom wanted me to have senior pix just like any other high schooler might have done, and so we went to a professional photog. in our area and he had cool ideas for how to do it. My style is kind of alternative/punk so the pix are that way, I have on a lot of makeup and my usual type of clothes. I know that when I'm 30 or 40 I may have changed a lot by then, but for now this is ME, I wear that stuff and why should I pose in an evening gown or cheerleader type outfit when I am not that way? you know. Well my mom and stepdad and sis all loved the pics. Also there are a couple where I am wearing just a little makeup and plain brown "nice" shirt, so those are really your usual type of pictures. My freaking grandparents who are in their late 70's even said the pix were beautiful, ok...but my aunt (in her 40s) threw a fit saying the pix were bad and I looked like a WHORE. My mom was pissed beyond belief, and I was hurt. I am not wearing anything really skimpy, in most of them I have on a black (not low cut) top, plaid skirt, fishnet hose and combat boots. The skirt is not even that short. I wouldnt be offended if she said I looked ugly or punk but please, a whore? She also said that there's no point in me having senior pix because I didn't "go to high school"...I don't see where she is coming from, I still have friends, I am still going to college, I know it's different but AHHHHHHHHHHHHH she is dumb! Of course her other nieces were all in regular school and had the pix of them in sports outfits posing on a wagon with leaves around, which hey, you don't see me making fun of them do you? My pix are really good and it was so upsetting. I just try to enjoy them anyway and think that my aunt doesnt know what she's talking about and is hopelessly out of date. I know your pix are more serious and it's your mom, but maybe you can do the same, I hope so! Just don't let her ruin the pix for you, I am sure they are GREAT! Hugs, Rhiannon
Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 9:41pm
Your mother is very picky and immature. She acts like my mother, most of the time.

Those pictures, if you like them, never mind what she thinks, as long as they show that everyone are having a great time, specially YOU AND YOUR DH. They're special to you both and don't let her 'poison' your thoughts.

When I visited my birthcountry after 30 yrs. absent, for the first time, it was my dream to take photos of all the places I've missed, and include relatives, so my parents can see how they look now. One cousin-in-law, just because she's not in the photo, said: "those pictures are wasted!" How can I have wasted them, they're my treasures. I am so glad I took them!

So, keep those treasures locked up, just don't show them to your mom again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 12:20am
I agree! The pix are YOUR TREASURES don't hide them away cuz of one dumba%^# person. Life is too short for that!

I was so proud of my grandma because she put a huge pic from my graduation pix on the wall and my aunt came over and apparently gave her a hard time saying it was a disgrace and my grandma told her, "she looks great and it's no different than you with your hippie clothes or tight jeans when you were that age, so you have no room to talk" YAY Granny!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 10:24am
You know, I have a Grandmother that did that to me in High School. Just cause I wasn't the "traditional" looking high school kid...(yup, I also have the crazy hair, weird clothes, "man" shoes as she likes to call them, etc) It's hard enough to stay sane in High School/late teens/early twenties with everyone coming down on you for being you and to have family do it as well....ARGH! I know I should just blow it off but the more and more I fester and think about this (I've been "thinking" about this for like 3 years now...LOL) the more it pisses me off...If I see a photo of something and I think the picture is weird or the people are not wearing what I would...I SAY NOTHING! other than "Nice photo" and go about my life.

OH, and on a side note...I wore MY big ass combat boots to my wedding...LOL and I thought I was going to get an ear full for that..Litle did I know...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 10:38am
My mother keeps being asked by people how come she doesn't have a photo of me and DH (she has all the kid wedding photos displayed ) She asks me how come you haven't given me a picture yet and I replied "why would she want a picture that you said was F**king horrible displayed?" (I said this in front of the person asking her this) ohhhhhhh, did the story change then *evil grin*

UGH! and for your cousin-in-law to say wasted pictures...WTF - you should of told her with comments like that there was a reason you weren't in any of the photos...hmmmm, why didn't I think of saying that three years ago!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 12:42am
Oh, please do treasure them, get really BIG prints made and post them on the walls where your mother is sure to see them every time she visits. Shame on her for spoiling this wonderful aspect of your wedding.

Not to whine or beg for sympathy, but I didn't even get any wedding pictures. My brother (semi-professional photographer) took the portraits and sent the film off to his usual lab. As bad luck would have it, the lab was training someone new in the color department that day and he ruined a batch of 500 rolls of film, including all 4 rolls of my wedding pics. All the lab could do was offer to replace the film. What else could they do? What else could I do? Sue them? LOL - and just what kind of price would I be asking for? You got it, these were priceless photos that no amount of money could replace. All we could do was rent his tux again, and me climb into my gown, and went down to a beautiful downtown park and had portraits taken again, just the two of us, two months after the wedding. It was all we had, besides some polaroid snapshots that some of the wedding guests snapped.

My brother felt absolutely horrible after this happened - but of course it was not his fault.

So please enjoy your portraits. Get that album out and look at your pics - the more you delay, the harder it will be and the more you will think about what your mother did. Just go open the album. Do it. Now.

Msfit

                  &nbs

Avatar for leslie2353
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:36am
Msft: You can never replace those pictures, unless you get married all over again. What good is a roll of blank film? There was a time or two, that I wanted to take more pictures, to include everyone, but my camera was either forgotten, or no film (luggage) and no store closeby. Wedding photos are so precious. I agree! Get big photos and show them off in your house with nice frames.

I have one poster size photo of me in high school, posing at the beach, Britney Spears belly showing and all. DH used that poster (which was developed by me when I was taking photo classes) and my family didn't even know I looked so 'trim' now that I'm older! That was 30yrs. ago in black & white. Mom always wanted me to cover up! They were shocked when DH showed that off for my party on the wall.