Unhappy children

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Unhappy children
3
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 5:21pm
I have 2 beautiful daughters, ages 9 and 12 and they are extremely unhappy. My ex-husband has custody because he is more financially secure. My problem is that he never spends any time with the girls and he's always off doing other things. He re-married a year ago to a woman who neglects her own children and this other woman feels that she should get his whole attention. He has been gone in the last 4 weeks due to his career and he didn't call the girls at all the whole time he was gone but he called his new wife (of which he is currently separated from), and they were so hurt. I am not on speaking terms with him. I know he loves the girls but he thinks they're okay with everything the way it is. When the girls mention to him how upset they are he just shrugs and says they'll get over it. How do you get through to someone like that?!! Any advice would be much appreciated!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 12:50am
Is there any way u could prove that he spends little time w/ his daughters? I know u said he got custody because he is more financially stable, so that leaves me asking (not to be rude) how is your lifestyle/financial situation now? Have things gotten better (or could they possibly get better in the next year or so, maybe) to where u might be able to go back to family court and get at least joint custody? I know it is expensive to do that kind of stuff. But to me it sounds like your daughters might be happier w/ that. How often do u get to spend time w/ the girls? As far as u and the ex-husband not being on speaking terms, I can understand where u r coming from he doesn't sound like a swell guy, BUT I think (and this is just my opinion) that might not be good as an example for your daughters if u dont even speak EVER to their dad, also that leaves them going back and forth etc. I am not sure about this. But I really do feel for your girls, that sounds like a bad homelife situation :-( Good luck! Rhiannon
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 10:05am
I don't speak to my ex because his new wife, (who he had an affair with while we were married), doesn't want him anywhere near me. She'd been married a few times before she married my ex and she is very insecure. Shew blew up at him one time when someone called the house asking for me, not knowing about the divorce. I'm just very concerned about my daughters because they are so unhappy. I would love to have custody of the girls but my financial situation isn't very good at this time. The girls are with me quite often, especially in the summer, so I have no complaints about how much I see them. My time with them is not the problem, it's the time they DON'T spend with their dad, whom they live with. It breaks my heart when they cry because all they want is his love and attention and they get nothing from him. I don't want to take them away from him because I know how much they love him and they've already been through so much since we separated almost 3 years ago. All I want is for their dad to realize how precious his daughters are. He needs to really sit down and get his priorities in order, and his daughters should be TOP PRIORITY.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 12:33pm
Your daughters are YOUR TOP PRIORITY! Apparently your ex is not aware that he needs to make his daughters top priority, and porobably will never be aware of this. I urge you to take custody of your children if possible. If your ex is not taking care of your children then who is? The ex-stepmother? Is that who you want raising your kids?

I am very sensitive to this issue, my father is extremely absent/negligent/childish. My mother fought and won for full custody even though she was making minimum wage and my father had a career. My mother fought to give us a good education, to build her career, and make an excellent life for all of us. I don't know if I can ever repay her for doing so much for us. I urge you to do the same for your children, give them the life they deserve.